Self discovery
by BlissfulCloud
Summary: It's the beginning of senior year; many changes have taken place over the summer and Santana Lopez figures this out on her very first day of school. She becomes confused over the situation, and weirder yet, closer to Rachel Berry than she ever wanted.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's note:** Hey guys! So, I have some good (Hope this is good) news and some bad news, good news is that I have this new story for you all. Bad news is I have writers block and have been un able to write much on my other two glee stories. (Hides behind shield) Now, not to worry, I haven't given up and I will not give up on them, I just needed a break and to focus on something else. Hope you understand and don't dislike me too much… Anyhoo, this is what came out of it._

_**Summary:** It's the beginning of senior year; many changes have taken place over the summer and Santana Lopez figures this out on her very first day of school. It becomes obvious that her former best friend is one of these changes and she ends up becoming confused about the situation and weirder yet, closer to Rachel Berry than she ever wanted._

_**Pairings:** Main~ ;) That's all you get for now. Just know that it is definitely femslash and this will not be Brittana. (Sorry!)_

_Minor and or mentions (at some point) ~ Artittany, Tike, and Pizes._

_**Rating:** M for language and future sensuality._

_**Spoilers:** Seasons one 'and' two just to be safe…_

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own glee or anything to do with it, only this story line, no matter how sucky it may be, the story is mine._

_Ok, this is obviously set senior year, everything that has happened in the show, has occurred her as well. Except! The Lucy storyline, let us pretend that didn't happen… Sam won't be here I guess, but everyone else will make an appearance. Not sure what else to say, so I'll shut up and let you read now. Enjoy!_

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><p><em>August 22, 2011 Santana's Pov<em>

"Santi! Santi!" I startle, eyes wide at the sudden wake up call, they search for the intruder and when my tired eyes find them, I groan and flop back down, hiding my head under the cover.

"San! Come on, it's our first day back at school! You have to get ready so you can take me." My intruder excitedly yells at me again, and then the next thing I know, the blanket is being ripped off me and is replaced by a small body landing straight on my stomach. I let out a pained grunt and then a squeal when little fingers attack my sides and start tickling under my tank top,

"No! I'm up, I'm up!"

My little sister giggles and doesn't relent until I capture her hands and throw her off me and onto the other side of my bed; I then bolt away, leaving her there to pout at me. I laugh and run for the bathroom, shut and lock the door behind me, then slump to the floor with a heavy sigh. I swear that I just fell asleep, there is no way it's time to leave and go to that…place. Ugh. There isn't anything there for me anymore, no cheerios, no friends, no Quinn and no Brittany.

At least the latter might as well not be there, she is always stuck up Artie's ass. No time left for me, her best friend and once upon a fuckin' time lover, she made me confess all those damn…feelings and then knowing how hard it was for me, ended up rejecting me for wheels anyway. Ever since then, our relationship hasn't been anywhere near the way it was before, though if I'm honest it is partially my fault. She left me heart broken and it was just so hard to look at her without wanting to burst into tears, let alone speak to her.

But, now, I want my best friend back, it isn't the same not having her in my life. And, if I have to suck it up and just be 'friends without benefits' then I'll do it if it will stop those hurt puppy dog faces she gives me whenever I don't pay enough attention to her. I can't handle sad Brittany, I never could, especially when it's my own damn fault for making her sad to begin with. This is our senior year, our last year, we need to make the best of it, I need to make the best of it and I'll be damned if Britt isn't by my side along the way. I am taking back my best friend.

Besides, as of now, she is pretty much the only one that matters, she is the only one I want with me when we get out of this lame ass town. We always said that when we got to New York we would move in together, in fact, I was the one who came up with it. If she is still willing to do that, then I am all for it. We are best friends first and nothing and no one (Artie) will come in between that.

As for Q, our friendship has been non-existent for far too long, the last decent moment we had was in New York in the hotel room and then when Britt and I took her to get her precious hair chopped off. After that, the last time we spoke was on the ride back home. I have not seen or heard from her all summer and I admittedly sorta miss the bitch. We fight more than ever and it is both of our faults that it has ended this way. We are manipulative, stubborn, hard headed, overly competitive and apparently we'll do whatever it takes to stay on top, even if it means bringing the other down to do it. We are both alphas.

High school has done nothing but make us tear each other apart and become somebody we really aren't; it has changed us. We're not who we were when high school started. I haven't known Quinn as long as Brittany, she transferred at the start of 5th grade, and I've known B since 1st, but I have known Quinn long enough to see change and I know myself even better, we both changed. We both became bitchier, harder, ruthless, and bitter. Or, I became bitchier, Quinn was always the nicer of us, only bringing out the bitch when threatened or in protective mode.

She was our protector in middle school, saving both Brittany and me from bullies not unlike ourselves. Then high school happened, cheerios happened and whatever the hell was going on in her family happened as well. Things she wouldn't talk to us about. We were tight, the three of us, but ever so slowly, she grew apart from us and I had to pick up her slack and protect Brittany and myself all on my own. She hurt us. She hurt me. We changed and now I don't know if I can trust her or even myself. We hurt each other with words and actions just as we do to everyone else in this school. It hurts more than I let on.

But, I have to continue protecting 'me' I cannot let her, us, drag me down any further. I don't have the energy or will anymore to put up with it, any of it. Yeah, I'm big enough to admit shit when it hits a certain point, at least to myself, I'm sure as hell not ready to admit anything out loud. No, not unless Quinn is willing to call a truce or whatever. That I could handle, it takes less energy and time to be nice or civil at the least. I am not letting this year with her be about winning and throwing petty barbs at each other.

And, I am not making myself vulnerable to further hate and disdain and not to mention ammo for her to use against me. I will not put myself through that shit on purpose. I have more important things to deal with, and as long as she doesn't start somethin', I have no reason to even put effort into playing top dog this year, at least not with her; I'm not giving up my bitch persona to everyone else. I'm not changing for them, but once we graduate and get out of here, I'll start new with Britt in New York, no one will know me there and I can be whom I want. I can be the real me. I need that, however, I don't want it here. Just one more year and everything will change; it'll get better. It has to.

An hour later we pull up into my sister's school, she unbuckles and beams at me, obviously more excited than ever to start the day and see her friends again. I give a small smile back, trying to seem at least a little happy for her, and when she leans over and kisses my cheek, I end up smiling for real. "Thank you, San. I'll see you at home, love you!" She yells again, in that damn loud voice of hers as she hops out my car and slams the door shut.

I didn't even get a chance to say it back. Ten year olds, Sigh. I watch her run to a group of chattering kids and an amused looking brunette teacher before revving up my car and taking off. When I get to my own school (hell), there is no time to sit and idle, which makes my already irritable self even more irritable and frustrated. I yank my bag off the passenger seat, exit the car and then stalk away with a very Lopez scowl etched on my face. Kids are milling around outside delaying the inevitable, some with expressions of anxiousness, boredom, and sadness and then those with similar looks as mine.

Not one of them looks happy to be here. I don't blame them. Inside it's the same, though most have already resigned themselves to their fate and have started stuffing things they don't need into lockers. The only exception to the ominous crowd is one Rachel Berry. No surprise there. She too is at her locker, but instead of looking like the others, a big smile is taking over her face as she hums to whatever song is playing in her head. My eyes narrow in on what she is wearing, and then blink several times to make sure I'm seeing things right.

Those hideous animal sweaters she was obsessed with are gone and in place is a form fitting wicked tee and replacing the not as fugly skirts, is just as form fitting jeans. Well, shit. The hobbit got hot. We don't get to see this side of her except for glee performances, and I never understood why she doesn't dress normal everyday, she obviously has a bangin bod, so why does she always hide? Wonder who finally knocked some fashion sense into her? Probably Kurt and Mercedes, they have been pretty close lately. The three of them seem to be inseparable now. Whatever the reason for this change, I am pretty damn sure it all boils down to one thing. Finn.

Berry turns the rest of the way around as she tucks the needed books to her chest, and then her eyes widen when they land on me and her smile drops into a nervous grin,

"Good morning, Santana. Do, do you need something? Is your locker over here this year?" She greets me timidly and eyes the row of lockers beside us.

"Why would I ever need anything from you, man-hands? And, no, thank God. I don't think I could handle seeing your face that much without wanting to punch it. Or, better yet, wanting to wash my eyes out with bleach." I retort back with an eye roll and a look of disgust, can't have her thinking that just because she decided to change her wardrobe, that I'm going to treat her any different from usual.

She may be hot and I may admit in my head that I would 'tap that' but she is still Rachel Berry.

The way her face crumbles before hardening into a glare, in no way affects me. My stomach isn't knotting up and guilt is definitely not present. I attempt to ignore the glare in opt to peer at my schedule and locker number, needing to find it to get acquainted so I can get my lazy ass to first period. I glance at the lockers, back at the paper, and then back at the lockers again with a hard glare of my own. I'm freakin' two down from Berry's. Damn it to hell. I growl, stuffing the paper in my pocket as I stomp over to the locker and open it. A loud gasp emits from the little diva still standing in the same spot, making me roll my eyes at her over dramatic tendencies.

"It's not a big deal, hobbit. Just stay outs my way and don't open that big-" I shut myself up when her head starts shaking and her eyes that are not even on me start to bulge out at whatever it is that has caught her attention.

"What are you looking at, did Finn walk in or somethin'? Geez Berry, can we not start with this, dios, we haven't even gotten through our first class and you're already drooling all over the ogre." I ask exasperatedly, seeing the way her expression is changing from shock to…something else. A look that she can only be giving the big doofus, except, I have to say it isn't a look I have ever seen on her before, not even with Finn. Now I'm curious.

"Not Finn." She squeaks out just as a presence stops behind me, I can feel them hovering there and then a locker door opens directly beside mine.

At first I think it's Britt, but then I decide it isn't because she always smells like cotton candy body spray, so, I would know if it were her. This person doesn't smell sweet, they smell crisp and dare I say it, sensual. Berry's still wide eyes flicker to mine and then back to the person who seems to have her speechless for once, she does this a few times and I have a feeling she is using code that's saying 'look behind you.'

Now that I notice something is off, I also notice the way other students are gawking, leering or looking at whoever is there in a disturbed trance. Before I can will myself to turn around, a tall blur is running over and scooping me up in a bone-crushing hug, cotton candy invades my senses and I relax myself into Brittany's arms.

I hug my best friend back without a care in the world and with a genuine smile spreading as she holds me tighter. I missed this; we have hardly talked at all this summer and saw each other even less. Her parents took her to some dance camp for a few weeks and before that, she spent her time with Artie. Not that I'm not happy for her, I am, I just wish she could be happy with me instead. However, despite being lonely without her, I spent more time with Puck and mike than I did with anyone else and we became bros. We took turns going to each others houses to veg out and play video games, even spent a lot of our summer riding puck's four wheelers, and partying it up.

Hell, the last time I really got to spend quality best friend time with her was when we were all in New York, and when we got back, she had told me she loved me more than anyone else in the world, and that anything was possible between us. I remember being happy after she admitted that, but also sad, because I knew it meant we still weren't getting back together. Now we have all this tension around us and it's causing us to grow farther apart. I hate it. I-we already lost Quinn, I can't lose her too. Then what would I have? Nothing and no one.

I give her a squeeze and pull back; she beams at me just as my sister did earlier, "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too B, we have a lot to catch up on. Walk you to class?" I reply, smiling. Then when the first bell rings, I loop our arms together and lead her away with one last lingering thought of the now vanished mystery person and a just as lingering leer at Rachel Berry. She doesn't notice.

Brittany points me in the right direction while telling me what she did over the summer, starting with Artie. Luckily, the walk to her class is a short one and I don't have to put up with the pain of hearing how much fun she had with someone who wasn't me, longer than necessary. She gives me one of those sweet smiles that I miss so much and a thank you before entering the room, Mike spots me from his seat and nods in greeting; I nod back with a salute and bow out.

I make it to my own class just as the second bell rings and search for somewhere to sit, my eyes scroll over the rows of slumped teens until they land on a familiar smirk, and then I cross the short distance with my head held high and my own smirk in place.

"Lopez." Puck salutes me the same way I saluted Mike and I return the gesture, it has kind of been our thing ever since we started playing all those damn corrupting, yet oh-so addicting PS3 games.

Not sure how it really started, we were wasted, but whatever, I don't care if we look stupid doing it, like I said, it's 'our' thing and anyone who has a problem with it can go fly a kite. Halfway through the boring lecture, two girls start giggling and gossiping behind me, but it isn't until a familiar name comes out one of their blabbering mouths, that my interest is piqued.

I lean back casually and tune my ears in, but their words are low and whispered, and before I can hear anything they are saying, the teacher catches on to them and sends both the girls a warning stare. They shut up instantly and I get nothing. Damn it, I was hoping to get some juicy news.

By the time lunch rolls around, I am dying to know what the hell everyone is talking about, every class consisted of two or more people gossiping in hushed whispers and the teachers getting on to them about it. Still, I have nothing concrete, nobody has said anything loud enough for me to hear other than the words 'changed' 'finally lost it' and 'freak' I even tried asking Mike and Lauren what the hell was going on in one of our shared classes, but they don't know what's up either. It's really starting to piss me off, something is going on and I want to know what. Actually, it feels more like a need and I'm not sure why.

My first thought is to go to the cafeteria and find out what has the whole school in shock straight from the source, however, I have a feeling in my gut that whatever it is, it's big and I'm not gonna want to discover what the gossip is about in a room full of people. I'm not good with surprises that are huge and unexpected; it leaves me open to show emotions that I don't want anyone seeing. No, we need to do this alone so that I will at least be somewhat prepared to handle things in a better and closed off setting. I don't know why, but I'm worried, the last time they were gossiped about this much was when-Shit.

My stomach again ties itself in a knot for the second time today. Why am I so worried about this? I don't know, but something is so off kilter that it is giving me the willies. I stop walking to pull out my cell phone and find myself in the choir room, and I am not alone. The hobbit is at the piano, fingers playing a tune as she hums along with it, I stand here rooted to the spot, not being able to move or look away, but sure as hell not knowing why. It isn't as if I haven't seen and or heard her sing before, dozens of her songs and performances are burned into my retinas, and my eardrums.

But, there is just something about seeing the midget like this without her knowing someone is watching. Her voice is soft, in tune hums barley audible over the song she is playing, and even that is soft too. Every stroke of the keys is smooth and airy, effortless. She is content and I think I like it.

You know, cause it's better than her being loud and obnoxious, that's all. It's not like I all of sudden…like 'her' or whatever, I mean, ew. Yup, she's still Rachel Berry. This doesn't change anything. I finally shake myself out of the Berry haze and do what I came here to do. Send out a text. One that says 'Meet me in the choir room ASAP; I needs to talk to you.' It is quick and to the point, though, I almost wrote 'I need to see you' instead. I figured that would rouse unwanted questions, so I refrained. It's true though, I do need to see-

"Santana!" I snap my head in Rachel's direction at her outburst; she is standing in front of the piano bench with a hand to her chest, over her heart. Oops.

I shrug nonchalantly, heading over to one of the chairs, and sit down. I probably wouldn't admit it, but it feels good to sit in here after not being in glee all summer, even if it is just Berry in here with me and not the whole group. It still feels nice knowing in just a few hours, all of us will be together again, in the one place we all fit in. I missed this too. How could I forget that? Earlier I was complaining about not having anything left at school, but that was a lie, I have glee.

We all do. This year we are going to win nationals, I know it. Just as long as Finn keeps his ogre paws off Berry, that shit cannot happen again, I was so angry when they cost us a win. Stupid Finn and his stupid need to ruin everything, he always has to go after-

"Um, Santana? Are you all right? You are simply sitting there staring at me-"

"I wasn't starin' at you, garden gnome. I'm thinking." I cut her off with a scoff and an eye roll, she sighs and rolls her eyes right back at me.

"Well, in that case, don't hurt yourself." What the-I know she just didn't say that?

"Excuse me?" I retort back, a warning in my voice and an unamused scowl on my face.

"You are excused." Oh hells no, I know she isn't talkin' to me like that? First her clothes, now her attitude, what's next?

"We got a problem, hobbit? You do know who you are talking to, right?" I sit up straighter, cross my arms, and then give her my patent icy glare.

"I don't know; do we have a problem?" She shrugs as if she doesn't care, but her words are laced with a challenge, one daring me to answer and play her little game.

I don't know whether to be pissed or turned-yeah, no, I'm pissed. That feeling of contentment from moments ago, when I first walked in, is gone. It is replaced by irritation and the room is now filling with charged tension,

"Yeah, I would say we do. You got somethin' you want to say to me? Say it to my face."

"I'm standing right in front of you, Santana." She replies with an air of amusement and a matching smirk tugging at the corner of her lips

I clench and unclench my jaw, and then push myself out of the chair and move to where I am standing just inches from her,

"Ok, you know what? You need to back the hell off, right the hell now. Unless you wants to get hit, cause I'm abouts two seconds away from bitch slapping that big ass mouth of yours right off your face!"

For a split second I see the normal, scared, hurt and vulnerable little diva flash through her eyes and past the smirk, but it vanishes just as quick,

"Ok miss gangsta, you're allowed to be rude, hurl insults, scathing remarks and slushies my way, but it isn't ok for me to bite back? Am I not allowed to stand up for myself, I just have lay back and take all the shit you throw at me like I'm some kind of doormat you can trample all over?"

"I don't think so Santana Lopez; I won't let you break me this year, not this time. You are not worth it, you are not worth the tears I cry every single day because of how much you hurt me. I refuse to do that and you want to know why? As soon as I graduate, I am leaving this hell hole behind and I don't have the time to waste on someone who I will never have the unpleasure of ever seeing again." I stand here, jaw on the floor through her whole dialogue, not knowing what to say, or how to react in any other way than 'huh?'

"Well, if you have nothing to add, I'll be on my way. Good afternoon, Santana." With that, she turns on her heel and stalks off with her head held high.

For some unknown, annoying reason, something inside of me is screaming in protest as I watch her walk away, so making a rash decision right as she goes to open the door I yell out one word, "Wait!" And then I curse myself because I don't know why I'm all of as sudden against the hobbit leaving, nor do I understand the way my body seems to relax when she pauses with her hand on the doorknob.

I have no fuckin' clue what to say now, my mind is in a whirlwind of speeding thoughts and not one of them is good enough to voice, and because of that, frustration is settling in and I clench my hands into fists. I think back over what she said, I can't help it, the words had hit me like a ton of bricks and now I feel weighted down by guilt. Two sentences stick out the most, _'I won't let you break me this year, not this time'_ and _'You aren't worth the tears I cry every single day because of how much 'you' hurt me.'_ They hit me right in my guarded heart, chipping it enough for me to actually feel something for her other than jealousy, envy and irritation.

I'm just not sure what exactly that feeling is or if I even like it.

"You forgot your shit." I grumble out, deciding that I don't like the foreign feeling and revert back to a lesser version of my famous bitch mode. That wasn't what I was going to say, hell, I don't even know what I do want to say to her, she has me more frustrated and rattled than ever.

She sighs audibly before moving to turn around, at the very same time, the door swings open, and I'm pretty sure the 'whack!' echo's around the room as it connects with the side of Rachel's head. I wince as she gasps in pain and stumbles backwards, and then before I even realize I'm moving, my hands are steadying her from falling to the floor. She groans, hand flying to her noggin as she leans into me for support, I tense at the contact, but somehow manage to keep from pushing her to the dirty floor myself. That should earn some points. Right?

"Oh shit, Rachel I am so sorry, are you ok?" I look up at the voice belonging to the one person I have been needing to see all damn day, the very same person I texted forever ago, and then shock hits me and I step abruptly back, eyes just as bulging as Berry's were earlier today. Rachel stumbles from the loss of support, but I'm too shocked to catch her this time and she falls on her ass. If I thought I was surprised by the hobbit's sudden change of clothes, it isn't anything compared to what I see standing in front of me now. Nothing could have prepared me for this. Jesus, I'm glad I chose to do this in here.

"Q?"

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><p>Please review or comment or something, anything to let me know if I should continue this or not. I have two shorter chapters ready to go, if this seems okay. Thanks for reading! ^.^<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** You guys are awesome! :D Thank you all so much for the reviews and millions of alerts/favorites, I was pleasantly surprised with the out come for chapter one. Here we are with chapter two, it is shorter than the first, but I think from now on, they all will be between 1500 and 2000 words. Maybe higher if I can fit more in. Shorter chapters will work best for this story for now. This one is set a couple weeks before school; I will be alternating between dates, but just in the month of august, no further than that.

**Disclaimer:** Nope, still don't own glee… ^.^

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><p>August 8th, 2011 Quinn's Pov<p>

"Well, Quinnie, what do you think?" I look away from the monster cruise ship and turn my gaze to my mother with an eye roll. She knows how much I hate that nickname and yet, she insists on calling me that every chance she gets. In public. She also knows how much I didn't want to go on this cruise with her, yet she insists on asking my opinion on everything anyways.

"It looks like a huge trap of doom; I am not getting on this thing. I refuse." I give her my opinion and cross my arms, pouting like a child and hoping it will sway her this time, even though it didn't work the last 50 times I tried.

"Don't be so dramatic, dear. And put that pout away, you know it won't work on me. Come on, let's get in there, they will be starting the lifeboat drill soon and we won't be able to leave if we miss it." She huffs in response, not a once swayed by my pouting, and walks off with a firm hand gripped on mine. She apparently isn't taking any chances of me running off.

I have trouble keeping my footing as mom pulls me along behind her, the roll suitcase and my messenger bag is weighing me down, almost tripping me several times before we even get to the ramp. On our way up, she is so focused on her mission to make it into the ship that she isn't paying attention to either of our surroundings, other than what is in front of us. It isn't a surprise when I'm rammed into a lone duffle bag swinging in someone's hand, but it hurts no less, I wheeze as the breath is knocked out of me and then promptly fall backwards onto my ass from the abrupt blow to my stomach.

"Oh sweetheart, are you okay?"

"Whoops, my bad. You all right, blondie?"

Mom's voice overlaps with another woman's as hands tuck under my arm pits and pull me back to a vertical position, once my feet are safely planted on the ramp and my brain registers what just happened, I feel my face heat up from taking a spill in front of way too many witnesses. _Way to make an impression, Fabray. Idiot, you have to ride with these people for a whole damn week. _I swallow the embarrassment and try to pull off a nonchalant expression for my mother and-Oh. My God. Of course, it's just my luck to make an ass out of myself in front of one the most striking girls I have ever seen.

"Quinn?"

My eyes take her in, first trailing lower, she looks about three inches shorter than me, actually, she is pretty close to Berry's height. She has on a black wife beater with 'TAPOUT' written in white bold letters and blood splatter trickling down them. Her faded jeans are ripped in various places, showing off patches of tan skin, and her shoes are black vans with red skulls. My eyes land back on her face, she has long, wavy, brown locks and beautiful lightly tan, smooth looking skin. Arched eyebrows and oh sweet Jesus, her eyes are gorgeous, one is a light blue, grey and the other is between hazel, green and brown.

"Quinn, honey, are you okay?"

The sun hitting her eyes is making them sparkle and it's hard for me to tell the actual color. They're probably contacts anyways. I trail lower, to her pink, oh-so-plump lips and can't help but stare at them, that is until they curve up into what appears to be a crooked smirk. _Oh shit, she just caught me leering at her! Way to go Quinn, not only do you make an ass out of yourself once, but twice! _I dart back up to her eyes, and yeah, they are shining more from just the sun, I am pretty sure there is mirth in there. I probably should say something now instead of gawking at her like I'm some horny 14-year-old boy. Good thing I'm not, I would be standing at attention for sure and then I would have to go overboard and drown my humiliation away.

"H-Hi" I finally manage to croak something out, I consider it a great feat and mentally pat myself on the back.

The girl emits a husky chuckle, sending a thrilling chill down my spine and causing me to blush from how sensual it sounds, "Hi, I'm Remy"

She holds out her hand for me, I stare at it for a split second before enclosing it with mine and giving her soft hand a firm, yet gentle shake. Wait, what is my name again? "Um, I-I'm-"

"I'm Judy and this clumsy, bumbling thing vaguely resembling a human being, is my daughter Quinn." Mom cuts me off 'and' butts me out of the way to introduce us and to shake the girl's hand.

Hey! How dare she call me clumsy when it was her who made me barrel over the damn thing! "Excuse me, mother, but If I recall, you are the one who made me run into-"

"Well, it was nice meeting you, Remy, but we should all board the ship before they close in the ramp. Quinn's room number is 207 if you would like to meet up at a later time." She interrupts me, again, and then before I can say anything else, I am pulled away, yet again. Thankfully, we make it inside and this time I'm not rammed into any swinging objects nor do I trip over a random flip-flop in the middle of the room.

However, my mother might say differently on the latter.

It isn't until later, after our safety demo, (and one 'accidentally' on purpose pull on my life jacket string by some little boy who I'm pretty sure is the devil in sheep's clothing.) when I'm safely in my room from my overly zealous mother, that it sinks in that I was turned into an idiot all because of a girl. Albeit, a very beautiful girl. Fuck. I haven't felt anything like this since-

A soft knock on the door intrudes in on my thoughts and I sigh with an eye roll. I can't even get 10 minutes of relaxation before my mother has to drag me somewhere I seriously don't want to go, it would be nice to just sit in here and break out one of my new books, but no, mom has to sight see the whole ship on the very first night. I stand up, close the too short distance to the door, and open it with a fake smile plastered on my face, but the smile drops the instant I see just whom my company is and then I'm blushing. Remy. What an odd name. I like it.

"Hey. Quinn, right?" God, that voice, only six whole words spoken since we met and I am hooked. Only two other voices have affected me 'that' much.

I can only nod; my own voice seems to have eluded me. She smiles and leans against the door frame,

"So, since it was partially my fault for knocking you flat on your ass, I was thinking I would take you to lunch and make up for it. 1:00 ok?"

Was that a question? Because it sounded like I don't have much of a choice, not that I would mind going to lunch with her, she is just, so…bold? Forward? Assuming? _Sound like anyone you know, Q? _Yeah, it is yet another reminder of-

"You do know that our food is supposed to be free, right? You don't have to do anything, I'm fine, really." This time it's me who cuts myself off, not wanting to go there, it's summer and time to focus on someone else.

"Yes, I know. However, unless you're a gold digger, there are other ways I can make it up to you. Plus, I get the feeling you really don't want to be here, why not make the best of it and come hang out with me?" Is, is she flirting with me? What other ways is she suggesting and why does thinking about it make me excited?

"Um, ok, 1:00 sounds great. I'll let my mom know so she doesn't make plans for us later." I give in; it's hard not to with those damn eyes boring into mine and with a pout adorning those lips.

She smiles again and seems to bounce in place without actually bouncing; I can see the happiness written all over her, "Awesome. Dress casual, I'll meet you back here in five hours."

"Okay, yeah, five hours." _That the best you got, Fabray? Very articulate you idiot._

She let's out that oh-so-sexy chuckle of hers, winks and then walks off without another word. I shut the door back, cursing myself for being so…flustered in front of her and then slump down on the bed. Oh! What the hell am I going to wear? Where the hell is Kurt when you need him? No, wait, I don't need him, this is not a date, it's a casual lunch. I'm sure I can find something in my suitcase that will work. Thinking about it though, puts a smile on my face, she seems nice enough, she is gorgeous, straightforward and unafraid to strike up some kind of friendship with someone she just met. It's perfect. Just what I need to get me through the week.

Another knock on the door has me groaning aloud, this time, I know its mom. Who else would it be?

She smiles brightly as soon as I open the door, then not giving me time to say or do anything, tugs me out into the hall,

"We have a lot to explore, better start now before it gets dark, it's good to know our surroundings in case something happens. We also have maps if one or both of us happen to get lost."

"Mom, admit it, we both know that isn't why you are dragging me all over the place like a kid in a candy store, you're just excited to see everything, no need to cover it up with all the safety crap." I chuckle at her, shake my head in amusement and then take my hand back; I loop our arms instead. She seems to brighten even more, if possible,

"Fine, but you already knew how excited I was for this; we never got to do anything while I was with your father. I was really hoping you would just relax and enjoy it, you honestly need to pull the stick out of your ass, Quinnie, or you are going to be miserable for the rest of you life. Trust me, I know this from experience."

"Mom!" I halt our trek down the narrow, never-ending corridor with my jaw dropped and eyes wide in disbelief.

"Well, it's true, honey. Why don't you at least try to have fun while you're stuck here, maybe you will meet up with that gorgeous girl you ran into and ogled like she was your own personal five course meal."

Oh my God! What has gotten into her? "Mother! I-I was not ogling her!" I splutter out, appalled, and face turning fire engine red.

"Alright, no need to yell darling. Come on; let's go see if we can get ourselves into some trouble." She lifts up her hands in the 'I surrender' gesture and sighs, and then she perks back up at the thought of getting into trouble.

Glee is practically spilling from her pores.

Walking away from me, mom starts ahead, not wanting to waste any more time on stalling in the hallway. I release a sigh and follow her. I'm almost caught up when she stops and looks over her shoulder, "Hey Quinn?"

I pause in my steps and raise an eyebrow, "Yes, mom?" it comes out with another sigh, this one tired.

"The fire department called, they want their fire truck back." I glare at her as my blush resurfaces before it even had the chance to fully fade away, then I throw my hands up in frustration when she chuckles and walks off.

How was she thinking the same thing as me? Moms. Damn them for always getting inside their kids head. Where did this teasing side of her come from? Never have I ever heard her curse before, let alone tease anyone, especially me, about ogling someone of the same sex. I'm not sure whether to be more anxious about the week ahead, or relieved.

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><p><strong>AN: 2~** Next up we will be back in the present, I'm working on making chapter 3 longer and will try to have it up ASAP :) Also, I really don't know much about cruise ships, I've never been on one, but just roll with it, this isn't about the actual cruise, just what happens during it and afterwards.

**PS:** Pairings will be revealed at some point, once I get the story going more, it just might be obvious who ends up liking whom ;) and once we get there, I'll put a pairing name down. Just enjoy the ride; I'm sure I will eventually make some of you shippers happy. (Hopefully…)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Hey guys! Thank you for all the reviews and favorites/alerts, I hope you are still liking this ok.. I made this one longer than the last one.

I don't own glee or the song mentioned within..

Enjoy :D (or try to ;P)

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><p>Present, Santana's pov<p>

"Here, let me help you up." She ignores me, barely giving me a glance before lugging Berry back onto her feet.

The munchkin stumbles as she gets her footing, and I can't help but steady her again, hands gripping her waist and subtly inching her away from this unknown person. I'm not sure if I like this new version of her, it isn't right; it doesn't fit the girl I used to know and that scares me. What the hell happened over the summer for her to change this drastically? I don't know, but Quinn Fabray has struck me speechless.

"You may let go of me now, San-tana, I think I'm able to stand up without assistance." Rachel whispers and shifts in my arms, waiting to be released, but I tighten my hold on her and keep my eyes trained on Quinn.

The girl's hair is pink, she has a fuckin' horizontal eyebrow piercing perfectly aligned at the end of one of those perfectly arched eyebrows, and her eyeliner is darker than usual. (The way it brings her hazel eyes out more, doesn't at all make my heart twitch.) And her clothes? Damn. In place of her normal babydoll dress or the other girly shit she wears, is a form fitting Otep band t-shirt, its slit thrice across her chest in different sizes. Since when did she start listening to Otep? Whatever. A silver chain is hanging from her neck and at the end is what looks to be an upside down cross? It's shining through one of the cuts in her shirt. The rest of her new look is, loose khaki cargo pants that despite being a little baggy, still seem to meld into her as if they belong. And finishing it off is black combat boots with buckles and chains.

I am beyond confused.

"Santana, please let go of me, class will be starting any minute now and I cannot be late." Berry tries again; her voice though, has a slight quiver in it, like she is scared of me or somethin'

"Are you sure you're ok? Do you feel lightheaded or dizzy? I can walk you to the nurse's office." Quinn asks her, seemingly worried, and steps closer.

I don't know if I trust her, since when did she start being nice to Rachel Berry? I step back and take Rachel with me, again tightening my grasp on her hips. My head shakes and my brows crease, I'm not sure what's going on right now, I feel discombobulated, but I sure as hell don't know why this is affecting me so much, I have never been this cautious of her before. Maybe it's the way she's being nice for a change, or maybe it's the wardrobe, or maybe both. This isn't like Quinn at all and for some dumb ass reason, I feel the need to protect the tiny brunette in my arms. No, that isn't right either; I'm protecting myself and using the dwarf as a shield.

Right?

Because when the hell did I start being nice to her?

The unanswered questions alone scare the shit out of me, I let go, not liking the thoughts coursing through my head, nor the way both of them are making me feel. I don't understand, so I do the best thing I know how, run. It's what I do, run away from the problem, its just, I don't even know exactly what the problem is this time. I avoid touching Quinn on the way out, and the last thought I have before escaping to class is 'should I have left Berry alone in there with this new, bizzaro version of Q?' But I dismiss the thought, I shouldn't even be worried about Berry in the first place, the worse Quinn would do, is insult her or maybe even slap her again.

Why does that thought unsettle me? It's not like I didn't think about doing the same thing earlier, but thinking and doing are two different things. Fuck, why am I still thinking about it? I just want everything to still, I need silence and the only way to accomplish that is to try to focus on Mr. Schue's Spanish lesson. It isn't easy; I know pretty much everything there is to know about Spanish, it is my native language, so it's not that great of a distraction. Especially when Rachel comes in just as the bell rings, I didn't realize we shared the class, but whatever, Brittany is here too.

That is the only reason I'm even in here, to help her when she needs it, and let's face it, my blonde haired, blue-eyed best friend needs a lot of help when it comes to schoolwork. Most of it anyway, she is surprisingly smart in history. That and science are her favorite subjects, she seems to retain the information she learns very well. In science, she absorbs the subjects on animals the best, the math part of it though, I have to help her with.

The rest of the school day is spent avoiding both Berry and Quinn like the plaque, yeah I ran into them, seeing as our lockers are all beside each other's, but that doesn't mean that I acknowledged their existence. I'm not sure how long that will last, it's now time for our first glee meeting of the year and there is no doubt that I will be staring the shit out of them, or at least Quinn. I shouldn't have any problems keeping my eyes off Rachel, it hasn't been a problem for me before, it isn't as if I stare at her all the time when she sings or watch her when she struts down the hall all chipper like or even the times when she is slumping down the hall, hurt and or slushied.

I don't.

Speak of the devil, there she is, front and center of the room, however, instead of yapping at everyone already here like she usually does, she is observing them. When I walk by her, I spot a light bruise forming on the side of her forehead and then I pause beside her to get a closer look. She visibly tenses at my presence, and even more so, when I reach out a hand to trace the bruise, but I don't get that far, she flinches away and turns her head to glare daggers at me. She probably thought I was going to hurt her more, guess I can't blame the diva, I would be scared too if my enemy suddenly tried to touch me out of the blue.

Thankfully the only ones in here are Brittany, Artie, and Kurt, their curious, confused stares are hard enough, what if the whole club witnessed my temporary insanity? Why did I want to touch her anyway? I should be laughing at her expense instead. Except, I can't find it in myself to do that. I scowl at Artie and Kurt until they avert their gaze, walk away from the still glowering gnome, and then sit on the other side of Britt. She smiles at me and reaches for my hand, I smile back and let her link our pinkies like old times.

I'm thinking that fixing our friendship won't be as hard as I thought. It would be awesome if we could smooth everything over and move on from it. I have to treat her better if I want to keep her, and if it means not trying to sabotage her and Artie's whatever they have, then so be it.

I want her happy above all else.

All of the others walk (pile) in, my eyes scan past them though, looking for Quinn, she comes in last, boots clonking every step of the way. Her eyes flicker to Rachel, whose still standing in the middle of the room, but with a more relaxed face. She smiles as everyone takes a seat,

"It's so good to see you all again, I missed you guys. It feels like it has been months since we have all been back in the same room."

"Duh, it has been months. Not long enough if you ask me." I counter gruffly, eyes rolling and then peering at my perfect nails with annoyance surfacing.

I have to re-game, I've been too soft in front of them and I can't have them thinking its permanent or something.

"Good thing no one asked you then, Santana. Maybe I was too quick to say I missed all of you, because I certainly didn't miss your bitchitude and mental abuse." Hot damn, there goes that new attitude she gained over the summer and it's just as surprising as it was the first time. Confidence is pouring out in waves, and her eyes are again challenging me, except now it's in front of an audience.

Quinn, who is for whatever reason still standing beside the diva, raises her pierced eyebrow and blinks. Her shocked eyes flitter from Rachel to me, and then lingers, I look away, afraid of what I'll see. I don't want to see the hate she has placed in her heart just for me, somehow seeing her like this makes it hurt more, I guess it's a look that matches her feelings. Why else would she want to change so much, if she isn't feeling all of the negative things one could feel? I just don't understand.

"Santana?" I startle and swivel my head back around, only to become face to face with the Queen herself. When the fuck did she sit down beside me?

"What?" I snap at her, walls firmly in place just in case she starts shit.

She recoils as if I had slapped her and then her face drops into a deep frown, "I-you said you needed to talk to me."

Crap, I did text the bitch, didn't I? But that was before I knew what the hell was going on, now that I've seen her, what am I supposed to say?

"I don't even, no, you know what? I had to listen to these losers gossip about you all damn day, it was driving me crazy, I didn't know what was going on with you. I had to see for myself, I had to know that you-never mind, whatever, it's apparent it wasn't anything serious, like you getting yourself knocked up again. Good to know you won't be having anymore mini puckzilla lizard babies." I'm pretty sure that isn't what I wanted to say, especially when her face falls at the reminder of her daughter, but I'm a bitch, she knows this.

Still, I didn't mean to say something that would hurt her, but I just, she drives me crazy sometimes. Always bringing out the worst in me. Actually, I'm certain her and Berry are in a tie with that one, they both push my buttons like no other. Women. Why the hell am I a lesbian anyway? So much damn drama involved to fit into one relationship. It's a good thing I don't plan on tying myself down with either of them; I wouldn't last through the week in a relationship. Rachel Berry's middle name is drama and Quinn Fabray's is baggage. Mine? Well, I'm going with scared little bitch. Those three, not such a good mix, I'm so not going there. Not that I would.

The next time I look over at her, she is staring off into space with her arms crossed and a sour expression in place. Again, I feel guilt eat at my gut and I grimace at the feeling. When I came to school, I expected the same old shit, not these new Alice in wonderland versions of Quinn and Rachel. Maybe I fell down the rabbit hole, it's possible, my backyard is a jungle, there's no telling what I would run or fall into. I sigh and glance around the room, needing another distraction from my thoughts. I decide to observe everyone else, to see if they changed too or if it's just Q and Rachel.

Brittany is on Arties lap now, looking intently at the lame ass comic book he is showing her, Mike and Tina are being mushy gross and making out beside them, Lauren and Puck are arm wrestling (Laurens winning) and Kurt and Mercedes are laughing at something on cedes phone. Finn is yo-yoing between Rachel and Quinn, making googly eyes at the former and confused (constipated) looks at the latter. And the hobbit is openly staring (eye fucking) Quinn from her own seat beside Mercedes. Quinn is either oblivious or ignoring the heated stare. My end conclusion is that everyone is still the same ole gleeks, nobody else has changed even one little bit.

Mr. Schue included, he is late as always, doesn't surprise me. Even if he were on time for once, it still wouldn't be more of a shocker than what has already happened today. Honestly though, I don't know how much more change I could handle anyway, I need something to stay consistent for my sanity, because it's dwindling down within the span of a day and I'm not liking it at all.

I can't help but look back at one of the culprits, okay, so I look at both of them again, my eyes seem to gravitate between them much like Finn's. Berry catches my eye then proceeds to blush at being caught 'still' staring and glares at me simultaneously, I wink at her, she blushes harder then narrows her eyes and looks away. Good, now I can focus on her new eye candy, maybe I'll find out myself what has her so damn interested in Quinn's new look, cause so far, I'm not seeing it. This isn't her, she was way more appealing before, and why does she think that she needs to dress like this? Maybe it's just a phase. God I hope so, I miss the old Quinn.

The Quinn before high school.

"Q-"

"Hey guys! Sorry I'm late; there was a slight altercation down the hallway. Anyway, how was everyone's summer?" Schuester strolls in and interrupts me just as I was about to say something to Quinn. Not that I really know what all I would have said, but not the point, I glare at him, knowing I won't be able to say anything to her now.

"Hm?" Quinn hums from beside me, I peer at her, she is already looking at me, and expectantly at that.

Damn it, she heard me call out to her anyways.

"What?" I feign ignorance, now not wanting to speak to her anymore, at least not while we're in a room full of gossipmongers.

"You said my name, Tana; I know you want to say something, so say it." Her voice is softer than normal, it doesn't have the usual edge that both of us have acquired, but I flinch at the use of my old nickname.

A nickname the Quinn before high school gave to me.

"Don't call me that." _It hurts too much. _"And no, it wasn't me; maybe you should ask your new tranny girlfriend over there. She can't keep her eyes off you." A lie, an insulting nickname and a narc move to out one Rachel tranny Berry to her new beloved. I feel sick now. But it gets the job done, Quinn's face falls again before confusion sets in, and then her eyebrows crinkle as she turns her head in Rachel's direction, who isn't even looking this way anymore, she's off the hook. For now. I'm sure there will be something else I'll come up with when Quinn pisses me off or hurts me in some way, it's how I work, hurt someone else to deflect my own pain.

Q shakes her head in disbelief, knowing I'm messing with her to get the heat off me, she won't believe that Rachel was really staring at her, not when I'm the one who said she was. Trust is a major issue between us.

"Stop, just stop. Can't we be civil to each other for one second? Why do you always have to pick a fight? Listen, I know that-"

"Quinn, Santana, what, um, what did you two do over the summer?" Mr. Schue cuts Quinn's speech off, glancing at her nervously and eyeing her new look with just as much confusion as the rest of us.

"I hung out with Mike and Puck; we played video games all day and partied all night." I answer with a smirk and look at said guys, they salute me, and I chuckle and salute back.

I don't miss the curious gazes of both Quinn and Rachel at the odd gesture, but for some reason it doesn't irritate me as it should, so I just shrug at them without the attitude attached.

"I went on a cruise with my mother and met someone." Q's answer has all heads turning her way, a huge grin is splitting her face and for the first time in, I don't know how long, she looks happy as fuck.

I don't miss the way a pang of…something shoots through me, but ignore it and watch as Rachel's expression goes from smiling to sad and then back to smiling within seconds, though the smile she has now is faker than fake.

I'm the only one who notices.

"Good, I'm really glad all of you had a wonderful summer, you deserved it after losing nationals, but this year-"

"After the jolly green giant and his garden gnome cost us nationals, you mean? Yeah, we deserve a hell of a lot after that shit; having an ok summer doesn't cut it." I scoff and butt in, pissed at him making light of what happened. He should be giving those two a lecture or somethin' so it won't happen again. We can't afford to lose, especially by something as selfish and lame as a stage kiss.

I glance at Berry as Schuester sighs, and instead of the glare and annoyed expression I was expecting to see, she looks embarrassed and has her head down in shame.

"Santana, I already dealt with that, I talked to them both and they assured me something like that wouldn't ever happen again. There is nothing we can do about it now, let's move on and focus on this year, okay?" Mr. Schue replies back, sounding upset about being reminded, but mature enough to move on from it. Good on him, he is a better person than me.

I don't say anything else, if I were to, well, I doubt it would be anything good, so I keep quiet and let him finish up. When he's done talking us to death, he asks if any of us wants to start the year off with a song and we all look to Rachel, expecting her to grab at the chance to sing first. She blushes under the attention,

"I do have something, but if anyone else would like to go first, I won't stand in your way." Our jaws drop, not expecting that, since when did she start giving us the floor without a fight?

I'm pretty convinced that I really did fall down the rabbit hole, and I seriously don't know how much more I can take before I crack and end up yelling at both of them to find out what the hell is going on. I should be ecstatic that Rachel seems to be calmer, less of a diva and more subdue than 'normal', and that Quinn is apparently changing from being uptight and bitchy, but I'm really just freaked the fuck out.

Nobody says anything, to shocked to stand up and claim the spot given to them, Rachel squirms in her seat, looking mighty uncomfortable. "Um, well, if no one has anything prepared, I'll just sing what I have."

She stands up and bolts away with sheet music in hand, and then hands a copy to Brad and one to the band. She then stands in front of us, smiling and becoming more confident in herself now that she is about to sing for her audience, "I have a few words before we start, over the summer I focused more on myself-"

"When don't you focus on yourself? It's always about you, you, you and never about anyone else." Now, I know what you're thinking, however, that wasn't me. For once, I chose to keep my mouth shut. Lauren on the other hand is looking at her incredulously with her arms crossed. I almost feel bad for Berry, the whole time we have been here, she has been getting nothing but weird looks and insults. (Mostly from me.)

"As I was saying, before you so rudely interrupted me, I worked on finding myself, and changed from the little girl you all know into a mature young woman. I wanted this year to be different for me, so instead of filling my summer with more dance and vocal classes like I usually would, I discussed with my dads' what I wanted to do that would be more relaxing for me. I enrolled in a tai chi class and learned how to meditate so that I could push all of the negative feelings out of my body. Also, I hate the way all of you treat me, so I took it upon myself to grow a backbone and to fight back. I'm in a tae kwon do class too." Damn, she really has changed, it's crazy as hell, but maybe it isn't such a bad thing. This version of her is kinda…hot. She takes a small breath before starting back up,

"In essential, I'm the same Rachel Berry who won't let anything stand in the way of her dreams, but a more relaxed version with actual friends. You know, that is all I've wanted, friends, but the whole school treats me like I have the damn plague. It hurts, but I don't need you to feel good about myself, I have two loving fathers and friends outside of school who actually pays attention to me and who gives me all the genuine love and care I need and crave. This is a new chapter in my life and I'm feeling good." By the time she finishes, I'm certain everyone here feels like an ass for the way we always treat her. Maybe I do too, you know, just a little…

She gestures for Brad and the band to start; they all nod and music notes start to fill the room. At first, I don't recognize the song, but as it continues, I realize what it is and prepare myself to be wowed. 'Feeling good' has always been one of my favorite songs, it doesn't matter who sings it, I like all versions, it's just 'that' good and it never fails to spread chills over every inch of my body.

From the very first verse that leaves her mouth, my eyes are glued to her, unable to rip away even if I tried. I'm pretty sure a bomb wouldn't even avert my attention. Chills have already spiked the little hairs on my arms and neck and by the second verse, my hands end up clenching to my seat, nails digging into the plastic. Then by the third and fourth, my thighs clench too, needing to relieve the sudden tingling felt between them. As she finishes out the song though, the tingling turns into a tight tension needing to be released, I'm wet and overly sensitive now. It wouldn't take much. I thought the song affected me before, but all those times have nothing on this.

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it, Rachel Berry of all people, just made me wet from singing. No, it's more than that, if the song had lasted any longer, I probably would have come all over the seat.

"That was amazing Rachel, and to boost your already giant ego, that had to have been better than Jennifer Hudson's version of the song. Good job." Mr. Schue praises her, pride shining in his eyes, along with tears.

It isn't until I see his misty eyes, that I feel my own tears escaping and trailing down my cheeks. I blush and turn my head to wipe them away, Britt see's them before I can erase the evidence, but thankfully doesn't say anything, wait, is that a smirk? Why is she smirking at me?

"Well, if none of you have anything else, then let's call it a day and meet back up tomorrow for our regular schedule. I'll have a brand new assignment waiting for you to start off the year." Finally, he releases us for the day, I couldn't be more happy. I needs to get home to take of my little…problem. Or maybe a cold shower, I shouldn't be getting off thinking of her performance, no matter how arousing it was. She's still Rachel Berry.

I wait until everyone piles back out the room to get up; it would be embarrassing if there were a big ass wet spot on my pants for all to see. Rachel and Quinn linger behind though, Quinn for me it looks like, and Rachel to gather her things while stealing glances at Q. I think the girl is becoming a little obsessed. Is Finn even on her radar anymore? Hope not, that love triangle between them and Quinn is old and worn out. They need to move on.

"I don't want to do this here, I'm tired and just want to crawl back out of the rabbit hole, so please, don't say anything right now." I beg Quinn, knowing that instead of my voice being bitchy; it is desperate and pleading.

She closes her eyes, sighing, but nods ok. "When?"

"Tomorrow, after school, come over to my house and we'll talk then." I answer quietly, not having much energy left, and then without waiting on a reply, I walk out, leaving them both alone.

I'll deal with Quinn and Rachel, versions 2.0, tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Here we are with chapter 4, back on the boat, I hope you guys like it ok. Thank you as always for the awesome feedback, alerts and favorites, they all make me smile :D Oh, I was thinking of Mila Kunis for the character of Remy, at least look wise. What do you guys think?

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><p><em>August 8th, Quinn's pov<em>

I find myself pacing restlessly and a tad nervously in my cabin, anxiously waiting for 1:00 to hurry up and get here, it is now 12:30 and I've been ready since 12:00. After mom and I ventured further out of the ships deepest depths, we managed to find our way around without any trouble (considering the mobs of overly excited ship goers) and though I started to feel claustrophobic because of them, I stuck it out for mom. Knowing and seeing how happy she was, made my problem more bearable. I also clung to her like one of those life rings, afraid if I had let go, we would have lost each other in the vast sea…of people. She didn't seem to mind though.

We spent the first hour searching as many of the rooms as we could, such as the ones holding all the food (I may or may not have drug her in them thinking about my lunch date for later) and the one transformed into a casino and after that we checked out the empty ballroom. The next room we discovered has now become my favorite one, the just as big as the casino was arcade. It makes sense, the parents get to have a playroom to waste all their hard-earned money away, why not us kids? It gives us a fun opportunity to waste all of our parent's money away too. Win-Win. Mom actually had to drag me out of that one; it's a good thing I didn't have any money out.

Next, we made our way up and out to the deck, where my other favorite place is, the pools. Especially the one with the decent sized slide attached to it. I'll be going back there for sure, even if I have to stand in line for two hours, I'm getting on that damn slide. It's the closest thing to a water park I'll probably ever see, so I'm taking advantage while I can. After soaking up some of the morning sun and taking in our awesome surroundings, the 'fun' part begun, come to find out I would be getting in the pool sooner than I had planned. Mom smiled at me happily from our spot right beside the largest pool, I couldn't help but smile back, I didn't have it in me to be a buzz kill.

"Well, Quinnie, what do you think?" She had asked me, again, but that time I just chuckled and rolled my eyes playfully.

"Fine, I approve. For now. But don't come crying to me when our ship sinks and we end up having to jump into shark infested waters, just because everyone else hogged all the lifeboats." I replied back with a gentle nudge to her shoulder, she shook her head and laughed, then nudged me back a little harder than necessary, which caught me off guard.

I gripped onto her to keep from belly flopping into the pool, she helped steady me and I turned my head to give her a thankful smile and then a glare. She smirked in response,

"Sorry sweetie. But don't worry so much okay? The only thing that will be sinking is you."

I only had time to give her a bewildered look before I was pushed forward, my limbs flailed in shock right as my body slammed into the cold, clear blue water, and then I spluttered and hacked as I broke the surface. Mom came into eyesight, fake worry sprinkled across her face with an unapologetic smirk in her eyes, I gave her an icy glare colder than the water I was submerged in, but inside I was laughing, she got me good and I was going to get her back. As soon as she held out her hand to help me from the ladder, well, let's just say we both had to walk back to our rooms looking like drowned, miffed, but oh-so-pleased rats. And now here I am, waiting.

A knock on the door startles me; I look over at it, more nervous than I was before. She's early; it's only 12:50. Guess it doesn't matter though, I am already ready. Also, I'm famished. Another, more urgent knock has me walking (sprinting) over, I take a deep breath and then slowly open the door. My face falls however, when I find mom standing there instead of Remy. A pout takes over my lips, causing her to raise one of her arched eyebrows in question,

"Pulling out the pout again I see, is there any particular reason for it this time? Are you still upset with me for earlier? You did get me back, dear, so don't hold a grudge on an old lady too long."

Before I can reply, the words get stuck in my throat, no; they didn't even get that far, more like stuck in my head. Remy is sauntering over, heading straight for us, my eyes follow her every movement.

"Well, are you just going to stand there, or are we going to go get some lunch? I'm finding myself particularly ravenous after that dip in the pool and I'm assuming it's mutual." Mom's voice knocks me out of my staring, sounding half impatient half teasing. I spare her a glance, though I can't seem to keep my eyes away from the girl just feet away for long, "Sorry mother, but I have lunch plans with my own personal five course meal."

She looks at me, confused for a second, and then turns her head to follow my eyesight. "Oh. You certainly do. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It must have slipped my mind, sorry. You aren't mad are you? I could…cancel if you-"

"Nonsense, I'm the one who suggested you two hang out, I don't mind at all. Good afternoon, Remy." She cuts me off, waving away my worries and greeting my lunch date.

"Yes ma'am it is, especially now that I get to take your beautiful daughter out to lunch." Of course, not only is the girl hot, but a charmer as well. Mom should love-oh, God she just called me beautiful in front of my mother!

"Hm, I think I like you already. But between you and me, you just might have that backwards; I believe you are her lunch."

"Mom! Oh my God! I-Remy, no, ignore her, please." I yell at her, mortified, and stutter out a denial, hoping beyond hope that mom did not just scare my new potential friend the hell off.

"Well, you girls have a good time, I'll be ordering in room service." Mom is out the room with a quick goodbye, escaping another icy glare sent her way from hers truly. Once she is gone, I deflate and shoot my gaze to the floor, embarrassed and scared of what Remy's facial expression looks like now.

"Your mom seems fun; her and my dad would probably hit it off as soon as they met." I look up when she speaks, surprised she is still even there, actually, she's closer than before, almost close enough to touch if I were to reach out. And now I suddenly want to reach out and touch her, however, I refrain.

"Yeah, buckets of humiliating fun. Is that who you're with, your dad?" I mumble back, face going red, and then change the subject quickly.

"Mmhm. You ready? It's getting late and I haven't eaten anything since breakfast." She nods, smiling, and then changes the topic back to food. I nod back and motion for her to exit the room, I follow, shutting the door behind us. She looks at me, holding her arm out; I peer at it for a split second before looping mine through it with a tentative smile.

We walk in a comfortable silence all the way to one of the room's mom and I found earlier, and then she leads me to the buffet full of food, where we finally let go of each other in opt to grab our plates. As we walk through the line of people already here, our hands and fingers brush against each other's, causing me to blush lightly and making me want to latch onto hers and hold on. I can't say that the feeling is new, because it isn't; I've felt this need before, along with other deeper needs. The very human need to touch, hold, kiss, all of it. But that was a long time ago and before I shut them out because of my father.

Ever since New York, they have resurfaced without as much restraint, allowing me to feel without the guilt. Things said and done during our stay there simultaneously caused a small break down and a determination not to give up on love and to start doing things differently. Things like thinking about other girls in a not so platonic way, starting with resurfaced feelings for a certain girl who shall remain UN thought of. A girl in whom I reluctantly and with almost more difficulty than anything I have ever done, threw feelings I had for her back inside a special place in my heart with lock, key, and a bullmastiff as guard dog.

It's easier now to let these hidden feelings out, than when I was younger, when my so-called father still lived with us. Back then, I was too scared to even think of thinking of another girl this way. Now though, it's getting harder to control it, all of my repressed feelings are coming back 10 fold, still, I tried to ignore them, not because it's 'wrong', but because the girl is smitten with someone else. I'm thinking and feeling freely now, and I truly believe I deserve to do so. Parents (idiot, abusive father) be damned.

"Hey, Quinn?"

It doesn't stop me from being nervous though, however, I'll take this kind of nervousness any day over the nervous wreck I became when I thought, said, or did something wrong in the heartless eyes of my now disowned dad. I'm no longer as scared to feel and it's freeing. Seeing mom in a new environment, witnessing and being a part of her unusual embarrassing teasing, has me thinking it wouldn't be so bad to really let myself feel something without running away from it. In fact, mom is practically shoving us together anyways, so I really, really don't want to run from this girl, not unless she runs first, and in that case, there's nothing I can do but attempt to jump overboard, at my first fail of a same sex tryst.

"Whoa! Sweetie, you're piling so much shit on your plate it's starting to run away from you." Startled, I jump at the loud voice, and then jerk my head around to look at Remy. She's laughing. Her hands thrust past me and then the next thing I know, my plate is snatched out of my grasp. I'm about to protest, cause no one gets in between Q and her food, but I notice said food is overflowing out of the plate and some of it even manages to fall to the floor.

Oops.

"Better find us a seat before anymore of this starts diving off to its suicide. Follow me, there's a free corner table over that way." She quips teasingly and nods in the direction of a table, I nod back, fighting off another blush.

Once seated comfortably, with our plates and drinks sitting in front of us, we prepare to dig in. I grimace at the amount I managed to fit on there, and have no idea where to start, some of it shouldn't even be mixed together.

"At least I know the way to your heart; this may just come in handy for the future, blondie." Oh great, more teasing. Wait, no, there goes a wink, that would be flirting. I flush, again. The only thing wrong with what she said, would be the nickname, that is one nickname I don't want to be associated with. It feels like I'm a stereotype anyways, I don't need the name to go with it.

"I do love my food, yes. However, I was thinking so much, that I wasn't aware of the mixed orgy starting on my plate." I retort, trying my hand at attempting lame humor. It works; she shakes her head, chuckles and then stabs one of the 'lil smokies with her fork.

"Well, you better join in before they get wore out and cold." She winks at me again as she continues to devour her on food.

Knowing that she's right, I cautiously prod the lumps of mush and meat, picking around until I find something edible enough to pass through my mouth.

"Hey, um, can I get you to do me a favor?" I ask shyly, hopeful she won't get offended.

"Asking for favors already, huh? And here I thought having a nice lunch together would be enough to redeem myself." She looks up at me from eating, voice teasing and pout in place.

Is it possible to swoon sitting down? Maybe. "It's not that, this is more than enough for me. It's just; can you not call me blondie? My life is cliché as it is without the stereotypical nickname added on." I end up mumbling the last, my face heating up more from saying too much, she doesn't need to know anything about my clichéd life, I'd really scare her off then.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry; I didn't mean anything by it." Her pout turns into a frown as she apologizes, and a light blush spreads up her tan cheeks. She looks sheepish.

Adorable.

"I know its ok. You can come up with something else though, if you want to that is." I let her know and impulsively reach over and lay a hand over hers, trying to reassure her, that it's not a big deal.

Her eyes flicker to our joined hands and then up to meet mine, she gives me a small smile and I blush yet again.

"Duly noted. I'm sure with how much time we'll be spending together this week, I can come up with something else that fits you better." She tells me with confidence, again being straightforward and assuming.

"I'd like that." I say honestly with a smile and finally and reluctantly pull my hand away to finish eating my now cold food.

"Good, now that we have that out of the way, tell me about yourself." Ugh. Here comes the fun part, what the hell am I supposed to tell her? Basics will have to do for now. This is going to be boring, I'll have to switch the topic to her instead, there is no way I'm going to spill on everything from my past. Thing is, that's all I am, past mistakes and regrets, there isn't anything good or interesting about me to get to know.

"Well, you know my name already. I'm 17, no boyfriend; I live in Lima, Ohio with my mom and go to McKinley high school. My hobbies include photography and drawing, my favorite color is teal and my favorite food is bacon." I give her the basics that were right off the top of my head, hoping it is enough to appease her for now. I'd much rather talk about her.

I watch, heart racing, as her face go from smiling to another frown in seconds. Did I say something wrong already? I thought all of that was safe enough information, not anything to incriminate me with.

"What's wrong?" I ask her, voice shaky from nerves and eyes becoming misty from potential loss of yet another person.

"Sorry, it's just my stomach, I'm a little nauseous. Do you mind if we continue this later? I think I'm going to go lie down." Oh God, she's lying, I can tell. I screwed up, I screwed it all up and I don't even know how.

My face goes stoic, hardening into indifference, refusing to shed tears in front of this girl. "Fine. But you didn't have to lie to me; I can read people, Remy. I don't know what I just said to scare you off, but this isn't anything I can't handle, In fact, I'm used to people running or leaving. I'll find my own way back. See you around, or not, whatever."

With that, I push away from the table and stalk away, head held high and jaws clenched.

"Quinn, wait!" She yells after me, and then I feel myself being jerked around to face her.

Her eyes widen and her hand drops from my arm as soon as she sees the tears I tried so hard to hold in, "I'm sorry, please don't cry, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"Why did you lie? What did I do wrong?" I ask, whispering, and sounding pretty damn pathetic.

"I-You didn't do anything wrong, Quinn. Can we go back to your room and talk?" She closes her eyes and shakes her head, frowning, and then looks back up at me, eyes pleading.

"No. I'm sorry, but no. At least, not right now, I'm really tired and just want to sleep until I fade away." With difficulty, I deny her, for my own sake and sanity.

I can only handle so much and so many feelings in the span of a day. I need time to think and sleep on it.

She looks away, face pained, but nods. "I still want to get to know you, please don't fade away, Quinn. If you give me a chance, I'll explain what happened, and then maybe you'll understand why I shut down so quickly."

"Ok, have dinner with me tomorrow night? We can order in, in one of our rooms, I really don't feel like being around a bunch of people I don't know while having a serious conversation." I agree, how can I not after that? She just said that she still wanted to know me and that she didn't want me to fade away, if I'm reading her right, she is being nothing but honest. It makes me feel good, even if she is the one who also hurt me minutes ago.

She sighs in relief and nods ok, a tentative smile tugging at her lips, "I'd like that. 7pm alright with you?"

"Ok. Meet me at my room and we'll go from there." I reply, taking steps back to get away; I still need that thinking space and a bed.

"I'll see you at 7!" She hollers to my retreating form, I say nothing and continue forward.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** You guys are all so lovely, thank you so much for the reviews and the alerts/favorites so far. They mean a lot :D (Though, between you and me..I think I was crazy when I started yet another fic while I already have more than enough. Oops. Oh well, guess now that it's out, I can't give up on it.)

Hope you enjoy this chapter too. ^.^

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><p>August 23rd, Santana's Pov<p>

_Ok, Santana, you can do this. Just take your hands off the wheel, open the door and step out. You have been sitting here for over ten minutes, it's time to get it together and get your ass inside. No more waiting. You can do this. It is a new day and today will be different, everything will be back to normal. Right? _A light rapping on the window makes my eyes snap open and jump almost out of the seat, I look to the left with a scowl and then roll my eyes when they land on a nervous looking Rachel Berry standing right outside. I look away, re-closing my eyes and trying to block her annoying presence out, hoping she will get the hint, and scamper off.

Another knock accompanied by a muffled "Santana?" tells me it isn't going to work. I huff; irritated this morning already, I was hoping to avoid any and all irritants today. I glance at her again, fingers drumming on the steering wheel while I think of a way to get rid of her. Then with a growing smirk, I roll down the window to mess with her,

"Hey little girl, want some candy? I gots some in my trunk if you want auntie Tana to show you?"

She looks at me incredulously, not amused in the slightest,

"Very funny, Satan, let me guess, you also have rope, duct tape, and no doubt a blindfold in there too?" She rolls her eyes and quips back instantly, not as phased by the kidnapping joke as I thought she'd be. I'm surprised she isn't stomping off yet, but I'm actually impressed by her comeback and kind of sorta want to hear what else she has in that brain of hers that will challenge my own.

"Well, Fuck. I had that shit all planned out, I was gonna lure you in, ropes me up a wild hobbit and take you back to the shire. Damn you." I tease her, hit the steering wheel with my fist and glare hard. But even I know it lacks the normal malice, for some reason I feel playful, maybe it's because no one hardly ever talks back to me and maybe because I like the fact that she is standing up for herself. Maybe.

"Oh? Well, sorry to have ruined your diabolical plans to kidnap me. Now I know why you were staring me down yesterday in the choir room, however it seems as though you will need to regroup and come up with a new plan. Better luck next time." She smirks at me while leaning into the car, and then her forearms come to a rest inside the rolled down window as she gazes at the triquetra pendant hanging from my rearview mirror.

"Are you wiccan?" The question catches me off guard, I swivel my head around to 'stare her down', but she's still looking at the necklace, eyes studying my most prized possession.

I flick my eyes over her face, taking the time to study her as she continues to look at the pendant as if it were an intricate puzzle, her expression though, only appears curious. Still, I'm becoming uncomfortable, what is she thinking? Is she judging me over something she has no fuckin' clue about, before I can even explain why I even have it? Hell to the no, I don't need her nosing in my shit where she doesn't belong.

"What do you want, Berry?" I ignore her question; closing up instantly, the time for teasing is over.

Shit just got serious.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to overstep, Santana. I was just curious, but I guess that is one of my problems, huh? I always seem to stick my nose in other people's lives without thought of how it will make them feel. I-I don't mean to, I just, I hardly know anything about any of you outside of school and sometimes I get overly excited and curious when I see or hear something new about you guys. It's out of genuine interest in learning new things about my fellow gleeks, I can't seem to help myself from wanting to know you, no matter how badly I get trampled over." Instead of a simple answer, she gives me one of her mini rambles, though this one is more somber.

I'm not even sure what to say to any of that, right now, my stomach knotting up is the only response I can give; it feels a lot like the spurts of guilt I felt yesterday. Her eyes float away from the necklace and then to my face, they're watery, and seeing them makes the knot twist and tighten uncomfortably. She shakes her head with a sad smile and pulls away from my car,

"Listen, I just wanted to come check on you, you were here when I pulled in earlier and still here when I came to retrieve my math book. I would ask if you were all right, but from years of experience, I have a funny feeling you won't answer and instead insult me and then tell me to get the hell away from you. I'm going to save you the trouble and leave you alone, though we should both head inside, as the bell will be ringing any minute now."

With that, she turns and walks away, leaving me with the knot in my stomach growing to epic proportions. I sigh, close my eyes, and then slump back into the seat, head bouncing off of it before lolling to the side. Today isn't going to be any different from yesterday, is it? No, it is pretty much looking as though it will be even more disturbing. Fuck. Can we skip this year and get right to graduation? I have gotta gets the hell out of here.

I reluctantly leave the safety of my car; skulk inside to my locker and then all the way to my first class, the very same first class Rachel and I share. She is already sat down in the same seat as yesterday, notebook and pencil laid out on her desk. Brittany is beside her, doodling in her own notebook and every few seconds she glances at Berry's then back to her own before scribbling something else down. Rachel catches her, but she only smiles and looks amused instead of angry that Britt is copying something that she wrote. I find myself smiling too, Rachel really does care about B, hell, she cares about all of us. We just choose to ignore it and deny her the same.

I take the empty seat by Brittany, most likely saved by her for me anyways; everyone knows we always sit together in our shared classes and at lunch. She turns, smiles, and holds up her notebook, showing me what she was so busy writing, except it's a drawing, not words. It's a cat, or something resembling a cat at least, it isn't too bad looking, it actually kind of looks like a version of Tubby. He is fat and slightly disproportioned.

"Damn, B, that's awesome." I smile and tell her, taking a closer look when she rips the paper out and hands it over.

"Thank you! Rachie is teaching me how to draw. I copied hers and drew him for you." She replies back with a wide smile and twinkling eyes as she looks from me to Rachel.

A familiar feeling washes over me, making me frown and narrow my eyes at them; I swallow and shake my head to force the stirrings of jealousy far far away. The second bell rings and Mr. Schue stands from sitting on the edge of his desk, he starts roll call and after that, today's Spanish lesson. I find my mind elsewhere and other than helping Brittany, I am only half-paying attention. Most of my head is filled with other more pressing thoughts. Quinn keeps making an appearance; I can't help but wonder what she looks like today. Is her hair still pink? Does she have another band t-shirt on or is she back to normal after whatever mental brain lapse she had?

We're supposed to talk tonight, but I need me some answers 'now', well, kind of, I'm actually afraid of what went on this summer. Who the hells did she meet? Some new guy or a new best friend? Damn it, there goes that fucking feeling again, more than once in less than half an hour apart cannot be good for me, or anyone around me for that matter. Why am I getting it thinking of Q, though? It isn't like I'm afraid of her replacing me with some bitch whore. I'm not. I've got B, or I'm getting her back anyways, and she is all the best friend I will ever want or need. Fuck Quinn and her new best friend or boy toy.

God, I hope she didn't find another Finn, what do her Berry even see in the big doofus? He is so damn goofy, doesn't know how to take care of his women, sucks in the sack and can't even last a whole minute, there are no lights on upstairs and he cannot dance worth shit. The list goes on and on, they can do so much better than him, if that love triangle starts up again this year I'ma go fuckin' insane. That shit is not healthy; all it does is tear the three of them apart. So if Quinn found someone, please let him be good for her, we don't need any more relationship drama. Now, if only I can keep Rachel from Finn's giant hobbit trapping paws.

_Ha! Good luck with that, Santana. The only way that shit would happen, is if she had someone better to focus all her lovey dovey crap on. _

Puck is out; he is all about his wrestling whale. Sam unfortunately moved away, he was actually a sweetie; I'll miss trouty mouth. Mike is taken (smitten) with his other Asian half, and Artie, yeah, not even going down that path. Ok, so glee guys are out, but who the hell is there? I wouldn't even let the footballers go near the little brunette, I'm not that damn cruel. Is there any guy in this school good enough for the Broadway bound starlet?

"San, why are you staring at her so much? Did she do something wrong again?" Brittany knocks me out of my thoughts; I blink and turn my eyes on her with a confused frown.

"What are you talking about, Britt?"

"You've been staring at Rachel the whole time and I think it's starting to freak her out, she's getting all squirmy in her seat." What? No I wasn't! Was I? Have I seriously been watching her this whole time?

"Don't worry, Brittany, I'm sure she's just coming up with another nefarious plot to kidnap and ship me off to a far away land inhabited by dwarfs, hobbits, and garden gnomes." Rachel, having overheard Britt (because my blonde friend sometimes doesn't know when to whisper) sarcastically butts into our conversation about her and gives me a pointed, knowing look.

That was so not what I was thinking, I have never put that much thought into her before, especially not about kidnapping and shipping her off somewhere. I do find myself chuckling though, picturing her running around and singing with little creatures in a large field full of wild flowers and sunshine…demanding everyone's rapt attention be on her while she perfects dramatic performances by the illuminated lake…housing a set of 7 dwarfs in-

"Santana, you really aren't going to kidnap and ship Rachie off, are you? She can't move away, she is teaching me to draw! And what about her Broadway dreams? She won't be able to-"

"Whoa, B, relax, I'm not going to kidnap Berry! She was joking, okay?" I cut Britt's horrified yell at me, her face showing utter despair at the very thought of me kidnapping her new drawing buddy. Lucky for me though, after she looks to Rachel for the truth, (who only stares at her paper while nodding) she seems to believe me and relaxes back into her seat with a happy smile.

It isn't until second period, my AP English class that I remember what I was thinking about in Spanish. Rachel Berry. I probably could have forgotten all about her, if it weren't for the fact that we share this class too and if she wouldn't have sat in the seat right in front of me. (The fact that I'm the one who sat down behind 'her' seat doesn't actually factor in. Nope.) Now I'm distracted again, every time her head moves, it catches my eye and I can't help but stare at her shiny brunette locks as they fall around her shoulders and then as she flicks them back over. My mind takes over again and I am transported back to a far away land, still picturing the little diva and her seven dwarfs shacking up together. Who would everyone be though?

Rachel is obviously the tan version of snow white, and oh hells yes, Quinn would definitely be 'the Queen'. Hm, Dopey is without a doubt Finn. Britt could fit Doc, because she knows how to heal someone with just a smile. Wheezy rhymes with sneezy, Mercedes would have to be him. Tina is Bashful for sure and Mike could be sleepy, only because I can't picture them without each other, even in the animated world. Grumpy would have to be Lauren and then Happy is Kurt; I guess they fit well enough, so what if it leaves some of us out? Who would want to live with Berry anyways? Oh, wait now, what abouts the prince? We have Artie, Puck and…me.

Well, shit. We've already established that Puck isn't good enough for her, and Artie, yeah, still not going there. But I'm no prince, I'ma have to replace Lauren with myself, I could be grumpy, hell, I am grumpy. Ack! hell no, ugh, I am so not giving Lauren the prince role I did not think that shit through. Not going there either. And hold up, who says I couldn't pull off being the prince? I'm charming aren't I? Fuck yeah, who could resist this, I don't think even Berry could if I kissed her, she would wake up from any magical or non-magical coma, even by the barest of touches from these irresistible plump lips.

I am 'that' good.

At least, I'd like to think that I am, only Brittany has ever told me I was a good kisser, and she tells almost everyone she has macked on that, so honestly I don't really know how good I am other than when people come back for more. That's a good sign. Right? It wouldn't hurt for someone else to tell me though; I like affirmation and hearing things just as much as the next person does. It isn't like I don't have insecurities, cause I do.

"Drool much?" I jerk my head up and to the side at the sudden voice close to my ear, Mike is smirking at me with a smug glint in his eyes, I blink, widen my own and hurry to wipe the escaped saliva in the corner of my mouth with the back of my hand. Gross, any more time spaced out and that would have landed on the desk in a puddle.

Oh no, no, no, please tell me he did not just catch me staring at Rachel? I look back at him with panic, his smirking face stares back at me knowingly, causing me to for real blush at being caught. I go into defensive mode and turn my embarrassment into a threatening glare, making sure he understands without question that he doesn't breathe a word of this. His face softens and then he salutes me, showing honor and respect. Oh, that's why we started that, I remember now, whenever one of us would beat (kill) the other in our games, we would salute instead of bitching about it. The familiar gesture comforts me, making my racing heart calm some, I salute back.

We understand each other.

By lunchtime, my brain is mentally exhausted, I have thought of nothing but why, why the hell did I think of Berry, why did I have to get caught staring at her, twice, and why the hells did I drool? The only thing keeping me sane is that we don't share any more classes until glee, which gives me a break from having to see her in person. Seeing her in my imagination is bad and tiring enough as it is. I've never been more grateful than I am now that she eats in the choir room. But of course, that doesn't even matter, because when I spot Quinn in the lunch line, I go straight into the fight or flight response. Flight so wants to win out and my first thought is the choir room.

Ironic, huh? Before I can get my feet to work and run away, she just so happens to turn with her tray of food and notices me standing here, then her face brightens and she smiles. My second thought is 'Holy. Fuck.' Not because she smiled, (well, maybe that too…) but because of what Quinn, version 2.0 has on. I can feel my eyes wanting to bug out and have to force myself to look away without acknowledging her.

Her hair is still bright pink and wild, her eye makeup is dark, bringing out those damn hypnotizing hazels, and she has the same upside down cross and boots on. What is shocking though, is her black sleeveless shirt with 'hell is so hot right now' written in red letters on it and the short, black and red tiered skirt finishing off the Goth/punk look. I am beginning to think her new best friend is Tina.

I storm out of the room, not being able to handle seeing her right now, I'm too scared of demanding answers and I seriously don't want to start anything in the damn cafeteria. I don't want any drama, damn it. Before I know it, I find myself in the choir room, again. I roll my eyes, irritated that my conscience keeps defying me. If I don't want to deal with Alice in wonderland, what makes my mind think I want to deal with snow white? Speaking of her, she is back at the piano, but instead of playing a tune, she is facing the other way and eating a salad. Wait, correction, she is staring at me with the fork half way to her lips.

I break eye contact and then walk past her, plopping in a seat and slumping into the hard plastic with a sigh. The room stays silent, but I can feel her eyes on me and that is just as loud as speaking. When it becomes too much, I chance a glance at her, she looks away quickly and stuffs her mouth full of rabbit food. I don't say anything; I just bask in the uncomfortable vibes coming off the curious diva in waves, with a grin. Now it's a game of who will crack under the tension first. I'm thinking it will be her. We make it another five minutes before the silent peek a boo contest is interrupted by heavy footsteps entering the room.

Quinn's eyes lock on mine, I look away, it becoming mentally too much even for that split second contact, she sighs audibly and clonks the rest of the way inside.

"Hey, Rachel." The Queen greets her softly, almost timidly; I gaze over at them, curious if not a little disturbed.

"H-Hello, Quinn." Berry seems to be just as timid, albeit even more cautious and shy than Q herself.

Good Lord, how pathetic are those two? Especially the way Rachel is peering at Quinn shyly from under thick lashes while the former blonde sits down beside her. So sickenly pathetic. I came here to escape now she goes and fucks that up too. Rachel and I were having our own moment, even if it was filled with more tension than a nun at a brothel. Why is she even here anyways, surely she didn't stalk in here just to sit with Rachel while they eat? How absurd is that shit. Speaking of food, my stomach growls at the thought, filling in the silence embarrassingly. I try not to blush from sounding like some beast that hasn't eaten in a month, but it doesn't work.

"Santana, have you not eaten lunch yet?" Berry asks from her suspiciously closer spot by Quinn, a slight smirk playing at her lips, though it seems to be hiding something else. Concern.

"No, she ran out of the cafeteria like a bat out of hell as soon as she saw me, apparently I have the plague now and it's so bad that my own former best friend had to run away before feeding that growing thing inside of her." Quinn speaks up bitterly, not letting me answer, she has obviously realized that I'm avoiding her and is hurt from it, which doesn't at all make my heart squeeze with guilt. I clench my jaw in frustration and rub at my chest.

"W-What? San, y-you're pregnant?" My eyes snap up to meet Rachel's wide, shocked ones, which are now flickering from my face to my stomach rapidly as she stands.

Quinn blinks behind her and then shakes her own head at the silly thought; I can see her trying to stifle a laugh while reaching for Rachel's wrist, "Rach-"

"Berry, pick up your jaw, I'm not Preggers. Quinn here was referring to the growl my stomach let out, not an actual human being growing behind these hot abs." I cut Quinn off, already tired of her interrupting and answering shit before I can even get a word in. Rachel visibly relaxes, her face turning from shocked to understanding and then to blushing as she lets Q pull her back down.

I'm not sure if she is blushing at the unexpected touch or from how she reacted to my supposed pregnancy, but I'm betting it's from both. Me thinks snow white went gay for Alice in wonderland, she's crushing hard and I am sure it'll be only a matter of time before she bursts into song and attracts all her little animal friends. Ha, what a fucked up fairytale these two are, who knew that the Finn obsessed diva was repressed for Quinn Fabray? I Can't say I'm too surprised though, all that damn tension between them screamed sexual. Looks like this year really is going to be spent down the rabbit hole.

"Well, would you like some of my lunch? I don't mind sharing and I'm sure Quinn wouldn't mind either, you need to eat, even if it's only a snack of some kind." Rachel looks over at me, offering her food hesitantly yet determined to get me to eat one way or another. Now I'm beginning to think she's bi-polar, one second she is being smart with me, the next she is all shy and scared, and now it's a mixture between timid and concerned.

"Nah, I'm not a bunny, Berry." Even if I am in bizzaro land…

She looks disappointed, but shrugs and pulls out a small container from her lunch bag; Quinn and I watch her open and then grab whatever the hell is inside of it. Whoa, Is that-

"Are you sure? Because I can split this between the three of us, I don't mind, but if you're sure then I'll just-"

"Hold up snow white, you didn't say anything about having chocolate, I'll take it if you're seriously willing to share." I butt in quickly, before she can devour the huge ass piece of brownie sitting in her palm.

She chuckles, tearing off a piece and handing it to Quinn, who smiles and takes it with a thank you. I sit and wait for my share, but all I get is two raised brows as they munch on their chocolaty goodness.

"If you really want it, Santana, then come and get it." Oh, hot damn, bi-polar Rachel strikes again, her words and alluring voice so did not just send chills down my spine and make me shudder, not at all.

"Fine." I huff, roll my eyes dramatically, then heave out of the chair and walk over to them. I stand in front of Rachel with my hand held out expectantly and eyes cast on Quinn cautiously as she shifts closer to Berry and in turn, closer to me where I'm standing. I feel myself move farther away from her and more to Rachel's side, who moves with me so she can place the small square in my hand.

"Thanks, Polly pocket." I say and take a bite out of the brownie, my eyes close at the taste, it is like the most delicious morsel I have ever had.

"Is is that good, S?" Quinn teases and snickers, causing me to blush and then glare in her direction before looking back at Berry.

"Damn, Berry, that was a little piece of heaven in my mouth. Total foodgasm worthy." I tell her honestly accompinied with a flirty wink, she flushes and glances at her lap, hiding.

"Thank you, I made them myself, so it's nice to know there is something I can do that you don't hate or make fun of." She whispers, hands gripping the bench beside her thighs and oh-so-close to almost touching one of Quinn's. I tense though, another bout of guilt hitting me straight on at the reminder of my complete bitchiness towards her, and from the vulnerability in her voice.

"Yeah, looks like you have redeeming qualities after all, you keeps feeding me those and we might just get along this year." I can't help but tease her, not knowing how to be serious right now, but not wanting to be a bitch.

I nudge her arm playfully, making sure to put enough force behind it to rock her into Quinn's side, my plan works, Q wraps her own arm around Rachel's shoulders to steady her. While they are occupied with each other, I take the opportunity to escape the room, seriously needing space. I've handled them as much as I could in one go, now I need some me time without the both of them invading my every thought.

Later, during glee, my eyes stayed glued to anything and everything that was not Quinn or Rachel, even when the former tried to catch my eyes. It wasn't easy, even less than last time now that I have spent more time in their presence, but I managed for all of ten minutes at a time until the whole hour was over. That only equals six total glances the entire time, twelve if you want to get technical and say that I had to glance at both of them on separate sides of the group instead of in just one gaze. But whatever, the point is that I tried and half succeeded, except, I'm not sure why I tried to begin with, knowing I had to see Quinn tonight anyways.

It's just so hard looking a those two crazies without them ending up taking over my head space, and it gets so tiring over thinking how much they both have changed, why, and how come I'm so damned interested because of it. _Hence the avoidance, Tana. _Now though, there is no way to avoid Quinn, I already told her to come over and if I take it back now, it's just going to cause more tension between us than there already is. And isn't that what I didn't want? Yes. I don't want things bad between us, I'm supposed to be nice or civil or whatever, but what have I done so far? Ignore, avoid and glare her to death instead. I should at least give her a chance. Right?

"Tana!" I stiffen instantly at her voice and the use of my nickname, hand stilling on the cars door handle before I can open it to get in and drive home.

"Don't call me that." It comes out of my mouth through gritted teeth, anger bubbles inside me, but I can't figure out why.

She stops directly behind me, and I can feel warmth radiating off her body, that is how damn close she is, "Damn it, Santana, why can't you even look at me?"

"Because, I don't know who 'you' even are anymore! We have not seen each other all summer, hell, we haven't talked either and then you come back looking like, like…that. And then you tell us you met someone on some stupid cruise while I was stuck here hurting and barely getting by all damn summer without either of my best friends!" I swirl around angrily, unleashing pent up frustrations and thoughts on her that I didn't even know I had.

She flinches back from the intensity of my loud voice and the look on my face, but she steps closer again once realization sinks in, I shake my head and stumble backwards until the door stops any more movement.

"San, I-I'm so sorry, and you really have no idea how much. Please, give me a chance and I'll prove to you that I've changed and how much I want things to change between us too." She apologizes softly yet strongly, basically willing me to believe her words, to believe 'her'. I slump against the car and wrap my arms around myself, feeling more open, raw and vulnerable than I have in a long time.

"Follow me home." I tell her, whispering just loud enough for her to hear, it seems my voice has betrayed me as well as my conscience.

I watch her sigh in relief and then nod okay, I don't wait for her to move or leave to open my door and get in, this conversation is over. Before the door clicks shut, I could swear she said 'I'd follow you anywhere.' but it might just be my mind projecting wants, because there is no way Quinn would say that to me. But, why would I want that? Why would I want her to follow me anywhere I chose to go?

Fuck if I know.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** *Peeks in* Heey guys.. so, it's been a little while since I have updated anything, and I am truly sorry for that. I have been busy, add that with writer's block (still.) and well, I'm so sorry! I hope that you all like this one, it's longer, but I'm not sure how I feel about it since I'm having trouble writing latley. Thank you all so much for the reviews on this so far, I love and appreciate them all! Also, thank you for all of the alerts/favorites too!

I'll let you read now, a warning though, there is mentions of previous abuse in this one, but nothing too heavy.

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, I still don't own Glee..but the story is still mine, however bad or good it may or may not still be. ^.^

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><p><em>August 9th, Quinn's Pov<em>

I'm up the next morning at the ungodly hour of 6am, mom had insisted on an early start, so that we can hit the deck to watch the sunrise. Our plans then include hot showers, breakfast and then naptime. At least the last one is what I plan on doing; it is way too damn early for anything else. I am so sleepy, that I left my uber comfy pajama's on, and have the softest of soft blankets wrapped around me (that I may or may not have 'borrowed' from one of my favorite girls.) There are ten different meaningful objects scattered around repeatedly, in random areas. The ten things are a cute baby penguin, a gold star, an open book, a bass guitar, and a Christmas tree with bright red lights. Along with her zodiac sign, her nickname, the lucky number 7, a red crayon, and then a triquetra symbol. I have one too, everything on it different but the triquetra, the one symbol that ties us together.

I love this one more than mine, only because it's 'hers'. It is one of a few things that I have in my possession, that hold any true meaning to me. If there were a fire, the only 'items' that I couldn't bare to lose, would be a picture of her and I in glee in a rare moment of smiles, the only picture of my daughter and me that I have, a triquetra pendant hanging on a chain, and this blanket. I know it may seem stupid, who cares about a stupid blanket when you can just buy more, right? Normally, yes, it would be stupid, but I have nothing else of hers but distant memories. The rest was thrown out, trashed liked yesterday's garbage by my bastard father. The blanket was made when we were 12, I've had it since our stay in New York, I snatched it up right under her nose in the hotel room, and I don't plan on giving the soft throw back anytime soon.

(Even if it is secretly her favorite too.)

I answer the door for mom a few minutes later, my jaw drops at what I see, or more accurately, at what I don't see. Clothes. She is wearing crème colored pj's, and her micro fiber, soft brown robe. I'm quite surprised that she isn't dressed to the nines, but I'm also glad that she isn't, this is more…homey and warm. Better. I smile as she chuckles at my own look, her head shakes and then she holds out her arm for me to take. I encircle it, actually feeling happy, and then let her lead me onwards to the deck. The door clicks softly behind us.

"Sweetie, isn't that-"

"It is." I cut her off, knowing what she is asking, but not wanting to have a conversation about it.

Not yet.

"Where is yours?" She asks curiously, tugging me along quicker so that we will get there in time.

"In her suitcase, I switched them out. So, I'm meeting Remy again tonight, we're ordering in." I give a small explanation and swiftly change topic, a smile forming at the thought of this new girl, quickly followed by a frown.

"Why on earth did you switch-"

"Mom, please, let's talk about anything other than our life in Lima, fuckin' Ohio." I tell her through clenched jaws, before realizing what I just said and completely freezing up.

She stops with me, and I can feel her staring me down, observing my scared features in the eerie silence.

"Ordering in already are we? My my, darling…you move quickly. Should I stop us by the gift shop and check for dental dams? You can never be too careful really." My jaw literally drops to the floor, my eyes bug out, and my face heats up faster than a boy getting his first erection, in front of his first crush, while seeing his first set of breasts.

Before I can even comprehend what was said, let alone try to process it, I'm pulled from my spot and drug the rest of the way as if I were a rag doll, and in this instance, that is what I am. I have lost motor function and the ability to speak. I am on autopilot until the very moment the cool morning air hits my face, then everything rushes back into focus.

"Mom!" I finally get out by the time we reach the top and are standing in the best view available to us, which is pretty good considering we are not the only ones to think of watching the sunrise this morning.

She isn't the only one who swivels her head around to look at me either; I ignore them though and try not to blush even more from the glares I get at interrupting their peaceful morning.

"I can't believe you, why would I, I mean, oh my God mother! We don't need…those." I stutter out, still not being able to form coherent thoughts or words, and then huff as she yanks me down into a chair.

I huff and tug the blanket closer around me. It still smells like her and the scent is intoxicating.

"Well, I doubt they sell them anyhow. But if you girls feel the need to exp-"

"Do not even think about finishing that sentence. I just met her, I haven't ever, except with Puck, and I don't remember it all that well. Not that I want to again, ever! I don't. I wouldn't even know how." I cut her off abruptly, not wanting to hear anything she says that includes me experimenting with another girl, and then word vomit happens, because she is my mother and it is seriously hard to lie with a straight face in her presence.

"It can't be that hard to figure out, sweetheart, I would imagine it being similar to a man and woman, just without the penis. If you really need a step by step, there are websites that will meet your needs, including pornography, but I doubt when it comes down to it-"

"Oh for God's sake, please stop talking! I got it, thanks. I cannot believe we are even talking about this, what the hell has gotten into you? I have never, ever seen you this…open…before, and it's freaking me out." I have to interrupt her again; my brain can only handle so much sex talk with my mother (or anyone for that matter) in one sitting.

I'm not really sure how to take this new side of her in. Where did it even come from? Has kicking my deadbeat father out changed her this much, this quickly? And why couldn't she have done it years ago?

"In order to answer that, I have to talk about our life in Lima, fuckin' Ohio, can you handle that? Or should we just carry on and enjoy the sunrise without having to bring any of it up?" She sighs, turning more serious now that she has noticed my extreme uncomfortableness and confusion over the new her. To me it seems as if she is rebelling, now that we are free of our ball and chain.

I might just do the same.

"I need to hear your side, we never talk, and I hardly know anything about you. I want to know you, because even if you really do happen to be a certifiably insane human being, I need this." I speak up after watching the sun slowly rise in the sky, making it glow a beautiful yellow, and then orange. The two colors mixing together remind me of bright embers burning down.

"That means a lot, minus that last part of course. We haven't talked in a long time, too long, and I look forward to getting to know you as well." She replies softly, a smile on her face to match, and a hand resting on mine to complete the theme. It is comforting and reassuring that she wants this as much as me. I have waited so long for this, and now that the chance is here to take, I am overwhelmed.

I couldn't be happier.

"As you know, I grew up much like you did, in a strict Christian house that held reputation higher than their own blood kin. What you don't know, is that when I went to college and right before I met your father, I was a normal young girl who partied, got drunk, high, had pre martial sex and an affair with her roommate. It lasted all of a few months before my parents found out and cut off my tuition. My father caught me in the act, literally with my hand down another girl's skirt. He was outraged. I was told never to come back home unless I found God, and was married with children to prove that I got 'over' my disgusting phase." I blink, Stunned again, for the millionth time this morning already, and unable to think properly to respond yet.

"I was pretty much scared straight, I was so terrified of how he reacted, that there was no way I could see myself 'experiment' with another woman again. I met your father not long after, got married a year later, had you a few years into our less than blissful marriage, and the rest as you would say, is history. When he kicked you out, I wanted so bad to say something, anything to stop it. I would have never wished what happened to me, on my own daughter. I was so damn scared, baby. More so, for you than myself, h-he already abused you enough, I thought maybe you getting out of the house would keep you safe. I knew one of your friends would take you in, I hated it, I hated having to agree to kick my own daughter out, but he threatened me, Quinn." Oh God, I don't think I can handle this, I didn't know we would be delving this deep and it is making me nauseous.

Her last words repeat over in my head, twice, three times, and then once more before they sink in. I whirl my head to look her dead in the eyes. "Excuse me? Please tell me that I heard you wrong?"

She stares back at me with sadness, regret and buried anger in her eyes, but she looks away as a single tear glides down her worn out face, "He said that he would hurt you, that no begging from me could stop him this time if I opened my mouth to dare defy him. I have taken so much pain from him to protect my little girl, and yet, I knew he was telling the truth and that it wouldn't work. I had to let him set you free so that I could get help, and that is exactly what I did. It took me longer than I would have liked, but I knew that I couldn't rush things or he would retaliate before I could get away unscathed. The fact that I caught him cheating was not an accident, I set it up with help from a friend, I had my suspicions of his infidelity for a long time, and I was right. Thank Jesus, it gave me the extra ammo for a divorce."

"The only reason he isn't behind bars, is because I wanted all ties cut as fast as possible, and I wanted you back in my life without you having to deal with any of that. I wanted a clean slate. I'm so sorry that I let it happen for so long, he was hurting you, hurting both of us and I should have stopped it when the first fist struck. I will never forgive myself, but I'm hoping that you will let me use the rest of my days to make things right, I will do everything in my power to give you everything you need, not because I feel guilty, but because I love you with all my heart and want you to be happy. And if frolicking around with that girl makes you happy, then who am I to stop it? It doesn't matter to me who you're with, be it another woman, a man, or if they are Mexican, black, red, Jewish, or Christian. As long as they are good to you, I'll accept them into our little family." She finally finishes, and by the time the last word has left her mouth, tears are running down both of our cheeks, and my stomach is churning.

I feel sick from the way he beat on her, the way he threatened her, used her, and even me to get his way. I remember all too well how he would calmly watch me with an evil glint in his eyes, or how he would yell and throw his damn glasses against the wall, or against me, I'd get cut from the shattered pieces, and then he would yell some more how it was all my fault and to clean it up. I hadn't one time, because I was bleeding and scared, and he didn't care, he ended up slapping me so hard that my lip busted and the red hand print lingered for far too long. And that wasn't even the worst he ever did to me, but no matter how bad he hurt me, mom got it 10 times worse. At least he hit me in places that I could cover easily. Most of the time.

Mom wasn't so lucky.

I've never told anyone what went on behind closed doors, not even San or Britt; I didn't want to drag them down. I had to get through it alone, even if everything was killing me inside and turning me into a guarded wall. It's no wonder why I became HBIC at school, at least then I had some type of control. However, now that he is out of our lives, I can have 100% of my control back, and I plan to take advantage of it.

"I hate him; I hate what he has done to us, to you, to me, to our family. I know hate is a strong word, and I have never thrown it around lightly, but I mean it. He hurt you, he hurt my mother, who I love so fucking much, and it kills me inside, knowing that he laid his hands on you and there wasn't a damn thing I did to try to stop it. I'm not going to lie, you hurt me too, mentally, and my heart was broken when you didn't even try to stop me from being kicked out of my own house. But I never hated you, not once in all my 17 years have I ever hated you for anything. I know how much he had you wrapped around his finger, so tightly that instead of cutting off his circulation, it suffocated everything you were, everything that made you, 'you.' He took away from both of us and I will never forgive him for any of it." I let out everything that I am feeling, knowing I cannot hold any of it in, any longer. If there was a better time to talk about this, I cannot think of it. We have to get this out now, or I'll still be holding it in until the day I die.

Or at least until the day I am very, very wasted.

She is looking at me with such mixed emotions, it is hard to tell how she is actually feeling, though I'm sure she's feeling everything at once and just can't process everything said yet. I wait for her to come back from her deepest thoughts, before swallowing and then opening my mouth to utter the last few words needed to (hopefully) seal our bond back together,

"I forgive you though, mom, it hurts too much not to, and it doesn't feel right to stay upset with you knowing that instead of tearing each other apart even more, I could be pulling you closer. I have lost almost everyone I have ever loved; I cannot lose you too. I love you."

I'm in her arms, crying silently, and feeling so raw inside, that the once welcomed cool breeze is now chilling me to the bone. I am cold and just want to curl in my mothers lap to be held and rocked.

"I love you too, baby, so fucking much." She whispers against my hair, making a slight chuckle pass my lips from the dig at my earlier words.

I have no doubt that she means them.

I just hug her tighter and bury my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the scent of home, the saying 'home is where the heart is' rings truer than ever.

However long later, maybe minutes, maybe hours, my tears have slowed to a stop and mom is wiping her own while still hugging me to her. After we have composed ourselves as much as possible, we get up slowly and then start heading back to our cabin. I never let go of her hand, and she squeezes mine in reassurance, I smile and squeeze back. For the first time in what seems forever, a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel slightly lighter than before. Even the small difference is enough to set my spirits higher, put a smile on my face, and to instantly make me think of…Remy…yeah, Remy. Not anyone else from my past, absolutely not.

_Damn it, Quinn, there is no point in torturing yourself over someone you cannot have, even if she is someone you have wanted for longer than you can remember. You have to move on, she is dating someone else and is very much in love, so get the hell over it already. Remy is one of the most beautiful girls ever, you need this; you need someone who will give you the time of day, and someone who will finally love 'you'._ _Ok, so love is getting way ahead, but still, that is what you'll eventually need, you can't settle for anything less, because your heart cannot take it. Right, great pep talk, Q. Now go get your girl._

Instead of dropping me off in my room, mom pulls me in hers and then tucks us both under the covers. I attach to her side, and then closing my eyes, I murmur a thank you before feeling myself drift off.

Xxxx

Several hours pass and finds us back on deck, this time to test out the pool. For real this time. There are a million people lounging in and out of it, but I see space for a million and two, then take it greedily, pulling mom with me to hurry up and jump in before someone else seizes the empty spaces. The water is cold, just the way I like it this time of year, and chill bumps spread up my arms instantly. Mom smiles at me and rubs at her own arms; I laugh and do the same, then start wading around in the small space to get used to the water. Luckily, not long after we joined the swimmers, do some of them pile out, assumingly to go eat. Having more room gives me playful thoughts, and as soon as mom's back is turned, I glide up behind her and then attack, she yelps and goes under all too easily. I watch long enough to see her shoot back up to the surface, then I swim far far away.

After coughing up swallowed water and clearing stinging eyes, she whirls around to search for me, "Quinn Fabray!"

Uh oh, my full name, someone isn't happy..

"Looks like you're in trouble, little lamb." A raspy and familiar voice whispers close and then strong arms wrap around my waist, holding me captive as mom tries to charge over. Hearing that nickname sends something akin to a thunderbolt straight through my heart, I have not heard it in years, and I have to wonder how she knew to call me it.

I shiver at the unexpected body pressing into mine, and from the warm breath hitting my cool skin.

"N-No, that's her happy face; she's just excited to see you… So, you can let me go now?" I stutter quietly, the last coming out more as a question, even as my body betrays me and practically melts into her.

She always seems to have that affect on me, the one where I lose all function, including verbal, motor and mental. She chuckles in my ear, squeezes my stomach lightly, and then before I can react, I'm twirled around to face her. My eyes snap open, I'm not even sure when they closed, and they lock on hers. She smiles at me, almost shyly, and I can't stop the smile forming on my own face even If I tried, which I don't, I let it happen. Though, I'm pretty sure it's lopsided and goofy by the way hers grows into full blown, and the way her eyes twinkle in mirth before another, deeper chuckle rumbles out that gorgeous mouth of hers.

I shudder in her arms, but barley suppress an aroused moan from just hearing her voice so damn close.

"Hi." She whispers with a soft smile and eyes boring into mine with emotions that I'm not so sure I am ready to interpret.

I am having a hard enough time processing the fact that she is half-naked and holding me.

"H-Hi." I murmur timidly, feeling shy under her watchful gaze and from being held so intimately in a strangers arms.

Albeit, a stranger that I am more than willing to get to know.

I swallow thickly and glance away self consciously, which jolts me out of our little bubble and reminds me that we are in a public setting, my eyes dart around to see if anyone is paying us attention while my face heats up in a delayed reaction. Only a few curious gazes are on us, one of them being the little boy who pulled my life jacket string yesterday morning. He doesn't seem quite so…devious…as he peers at us from his spot beside his mother with a look that can only be described as inquisitive, but right when he catches me catching him staring, he puckers his lips and starts making kissy faces at us. That is until his mother see's him and follows his gaze, she narrows her eyes, looks away, and then throws a towel over his head, effectively blocking his view. She then winks at me and goes back to reading her book.

I feel my blush grow and can't help but hide my face in Remy's neck, embarrassed yet grateful her narrowed eyes were not because she is a closed minded bitch, those are the worst and I'm thankful our little display of embracing hasn't brought any of them out. I'll hate the day when that happens and will more than likely cry a river until my mother tells me to get over it. Yeah, I can see that happening. Once I am focused back in our bubble, I notice that her breathing has changed, her chest is rising and falling against mine, and her arms have tightened their hold over me. I have the sudden urge to wrap my legs around her waist so that I can be pressed into her even more intimately. I refrain, not wanting to push whatever is going on too far, and definitely not wanting to give our audience an inappropriate show. I do however, burry my face further into her wet, cool neck, letting my nose graze against the skin there before wrapping my own arms more snuggly around her in a burst of affection.

My breathing picks up enough to match hers.

"You're going to get me in trouble, lamb." She grumbles in my hair, sighing, and then despite her confusing words, lays her head on mine instead of pulling away from me.

Again, I'm reeling from that name, it making my head feel dizzy with memories of how my best friend used to call me lamb, or little lamb in affection. I don't understand how the hell Remy picked it up, and I'm not sure how I feel about her using it. I let it go for now though, I'm more worried about the first part of her sentence,

What the hell did that even mean? "What do you mean, how am I going to get you into any kind of trouble?" Is she not supposed to be out here or something?

Or is she not supposed to be out here with me? Well, not me specifically, but with another girl? Would her dad get angry like mine? Oh, God, I can't even think about that, about someone hurting her like that bastard hurt me, the thought makes me feel ill and I have to pull back to look at her. My eyes travel any visible skin, searching for bruises marring the beautiful bronzed beauty. I see none, but that doesn't mean shit, there are other places.

"Does he hurt you?" The question is out of my mouth before I can stop it and she snaps her head to meet my angering eyes, startled, and with her own now wide and questioning.

"N-No, God, no. He would never… Quinn, I, I'm not even sure how to respond to that." She stammers through her reply, obviously floored by the unexpected question.

I regret ever opening my mouth.

I stiffen in her arms and then pull away from her slackening grasp, except, she doesn't let me get far before I'm pulled back, "No, don't do that, you can't run after asking me...just, stay here for a minute." I stop trying to get away and let her wrap me back up securely, at least, that is how it feels. Secure. I remember feeling this way a long time ago, too long ago really, and I can't help but relish in the feeling.

"I think we should talk sooner than later, there is obviously some…tension…between us, so we should really clear the air before one of us runs away for real. Not that I would run now, I don't think I could even if I wanted to; you are just too much of a mystery to run from. So what do you say, you, me, and room service in your cabin?" I want to smile at that, so I do, a small one anyways, tentative. Then I nod, because how can I say no?

"I'm going to go shower and change first; I'll meet you in half an hour?" She says, pulling back to look me in the eye, I search them for another lie.

I don't find it.

"Ok." I reply quietly, it is all I can say, because I'm not sure what else I could without making it more awkward.

"Ok. Just, don't run, all right? If you aren't there or if you don't open the door for me, then I am going to be a very sad panda. Also know that I won't give up until we talk, I'm very persistent when need be, and I am 100% sure you'd give in to me one way or another. So really, there is no use in fighting this. You got me?" My smile grows the longer she speaks, I can definitely tell that she is not one to give up easily. Just like two other someone's I know…

_Ugh, damn you both! Stop getting in my brain! Can I not go a whole hour without you invading it? Apparently not. Fuck. _

I don't want to think about anyone from Lima, why is it so hard to just get away from that place and the people in it?

"Quinn? Are you-"

"Um, yeah, sorry. I spaced out, but I'll see you in a little while." I cut her off and mentally shrug out of my thoughts, she nods at me, unsure, then after another gentle squeeze, swims away to the ladder.

I sigh, unsure myself on what the hell is going on and what we're going to do about it. No use in dwelling on it until our talk though, or I'm just going to drive myself insane over it all. I sigh again, turn around to find mom, and then am instantly manhandled and pushed under the water, I scream, startled, but end up sucking in water and choking on it. I fight to the surface so that I can catch a breath, and once I'm not hacking out a lung, I suck in much needed air while sending my mother a withering glare. Instead of chasing after her for revenge, I roll my eyes, and then head for the ladder. I don't have time for games right now; more important matters are at hand. A more important matter that is about to be in my room, alone, with a bed, and me, alone. Together.

Talking, clearing the air, hugging it out, holding hands…kissing…naked. Bodies pressed deliciously together, rubbing, gliding, stroking and map-wait, no, no, that's not right. I think I skipped a few steps; maybe I shouldn't get so ahead of myself just quite yet. Let us stick with talking and hugging, that's safe, right? Right. Yeah, I am screwed. Mmm, screwed, that is what I'd like to be, right on my bed, with her, alone. Together.

Fuck.

Half an hour flies by way too damn quickly for me, and yet not fast enough either. As soon as I came in, cold and shivering from the pool, I hopped in the shower to warm up, and then threw some comfortable, though nice clothes on for our dinner and a talk. I brushed through my hair, put some neutral make-up on, and then sat on the bed with my book. I think I've read all of one paragraph, and even then, I have no idea what happened. I am too anxious, wired, and worried to read or do anything other than sit here and stare at the door, waiting for the very moment she knocks. Which would be now, she is knocking on my door, Remy is here and is wanting inside to eat me, with me! She wants to eat 'with' me and she wants to talk. I probably should open the door now, or she will turn into a sad panda, and we can't have that. I want to make her happy.

Actually, I want to give her a happy. I bet I could, I would pull her inside, tug her to the bed, and then push her down and-right, what the hell do I know? I more than likely suck at any type of sex, especially with another girl, I mean, I've never even had a 'big O' (not that I haven't tried) and definitely not with Puck, so how the hell am I supposed make her feel good and give her one? God, I wish San was here, she would-

Damn it all to hell!

"Quinn? I know you're in there. Please let me in." Another, louder knock, and Remy brings me out of determinedly unwanted (but wanted) thoughts.

My heart aches from her timid, yet determined voice begging for me to let her in, which is what carries me to the door without a second (third) thought. I lick my lips, close my eyes, and prepare myself before opening it up for her. She is standing there, arms crossed and face to the ground, and as soon as she sees me, her body seems to relax from it's tense state and her arms uncross. I watch her eyes move from me to behind me, hinting. I shuffle out the way, and she immediately surges forward and breezes past me, my nostril flare at the whiff of what smells like axe body spray lingering in her wake. Holy mother of God, if I didn't want to tackle her to the bed before, I sure as hell do now. What was that about me being screwed? She is going to test my control, especially seeing as crisp, mouth-watering scents are a weakness of mine, no thanks to Santana.

I take a deep breath to center myself, and then regret it when all I can smell is her. I shut the door and turn to face one of the girls invading my every waking and sleeping thought, then regret that too when I find her sitting on my bed and staring at me. I blush under the heated gaze, it making me think of the x-rated thoughts that were heavily running through my head just a mere few minutes ago. She glances away first, and then looks around the room, and when her eyes land on the room service menu, she grabs it while patting the spot beside her for me to sit down. I peer at her, the spot she patted, and then back at her before hesitantly walking over and sitting beside her.

"What are you in the mood for?" She asks as she opens the menu, blatantly ignoring my obvious uncomfortableness, probably to push through it. I know one thing I'm in the mood for, however, something tells me that she wouldn't go for it right now, so listening to that instinct, I answer the question innocently.

"You-Can choose, I-I'm up for anything really." Apparently, answering innocently is harder than I thought, I hope she didn't notice the pause, but if she did, she doesn't show it.

She sighs, but shrugs in reply and reaches for the phone to call in. I wait not quite so patiently, and fidget with the blanket while she orders us something that I am too zoned out to hear. I only come back into focus when a warm hand slides over mine, stopping my fingers from picking at imaginary fuzz, and making them still in surprise instead. I look up at her right as she hangs up the phone, our eyes lock like they did up at the pool, and I find myself getting lost in their beautiful colors. All I am thinking is that they aren't contacts after all. And maybe how I want nothing more than to lean in and feel the softness that is surely her lips, against my own.

"You're eyes are gorgeous." I blurt out as mine dart between hers, not being able to get enough of the hypnotizing orbs. I also blush at my outburst, not usually one to compliment others like this, not that I could treat her how I usually am to others. No freakin' way. I couldn't imagine her father hurting her earlier, so I sure as hell cannot imagine me hurting her either, mentally or otherwise.

She blushes too, head ducking down a split second before bobbing back up to peer at me shyly, "Thank you, so are yours, they're beautiful, Quinn."

"You say that I am a mystery, but so are you, I haven't figured you out at all yet. First you make me think that you like me, that we could spend time together and become friends while on this thing, but then you try to run, and now, today, you were hugging me in the pool and calling me...Remy, how, where did you hear that nickname from?" I start, not being able to wait any longer, I need to know things, and I need to know now.

She gives me a sheepish smile or grimace, I'm not exactly sure what, but whatever it is, she is telling me that she feels bad about what she has done. I feel her hand grip mine, and having forgotten that it was there momentarily, it startles me slightly. She loosens the grip and instead rubs her thumb soothingly over my tingly, warm skin. It starts to tingle more and my hand twitches under hers.

"I'm truly sorry for the way I have been acting since yesterday, when I invited you out to dinner, I really did intend on spending time with you so that we could get to know each other while here, but when you were telling me about yourself, I saw big flashing red lights that halted my intentions. I liked you from the very first moment that you fell at my feet; you pretty much struck me speechless with your beauty, and not to mention your adorableness. As the day and evening wore down, I thought you felt the same; I'm a pretty good people reader, Quinn. However, I was hoping that you were at least 18, but when you told me that you were 17 and didn't have a boyfriend, it made me rethink my first instinct. You're straight, or maybe bi-curious, underage, and I didn't want to take advantage of you." She opens up right after me, not wasting any time, but speaking of speechless, I'm not sure what to say to all of that. She has some valid points, but she is wrong on some of them and the others don't or should not matter.

Ok so, what I got out of her speech is that she likes me, I' struck 'her' speechless, she thought I felt the same for her until I opened my mouth, she reads people, she's over 18 and she thinks I'm straight or bi-curious. I like her too though, she obviously read right, and should have stuck with her gut instinct. Me being 17 shouldn't matter though, I'll be 18 soon enough (8 months from now..) and I am totally GAY. She so would not be taking advantage of me,

"I understand why you're concerned, yes I'm 17, and yes I have only had boyfriends, but I'm seriously gay, Remy. I may not have ever had any experience with girls except for drooling over them from afar, but I know how I feel and feelings for boys just don't come into play. I tried so hard not to feel the way I do, I really really did, however I am over that phase and ready to explore the real me. How old are you by the way?"

"Oh. Um, I'm 24, I know 17 is close to 18 and doesn't really make much of a difference, but I just didn't want to take-"

"Advantage, I know, and you're really sweet for that, and I understand not wanting to get in trouble for some random girl who you thought was straight. I just know that when I saw you, I too was struck speechless; as you are aware, I'm sure. We had some sort of connection, right? I'm not the only one who feels it? I don't know what it is exactly, but there is this pull and it's telling me to get to know you and other…things." I interrupt her, already knowing what she is going to say, but needing to reassure her that she wouldn't be taking advantage at all. I want this, I want her, and she needs to know that.

"Have I mentioned that you are adorable?" She chuckles, again, and it 'again' causes me to shiver involintarily.

Before I can respond, there is a knock at the door, Remy's hand slips from mine and then she stands to go answer it. I watch her and the guy exchange words, she gives him a tip, and then she shuts the door back before walking my way with a cart of food..and is that wine? She ordered wine for us? "You ordered wine for us? I thought that you didn't want to take advantage of me?" I ask and joke with her playfully.

She blanches, freezing mid step as her mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water. I caught her off guard and now I feel half amused and half guilty.

"I guess it came with the meal, I was more worried about you, and wasn't really paying attention, I didn't think about-"

"Remy, it's ok, I'm messing with you. Now who's adorable?" I cut her off, not wanting her to suffer, she makes an 'O' face and then glares at me.

I just laugh.

She shakes her head and unveils our early dinner, my eyes hungrily take in the steak, sweet baked potato, and French cut sautéed string beans. I lick my lips, suddenly starving for something other than her, besides, if we are to finish talking and making up with lots of kissing, touching, and, well, other things..Then I need to be energized. Not that we will be doing any of that, but just in case, maybe we should break out the wine too.

"I don't think that is such a good idea, Quinn, not yet anyway, let's just save it for later, ok?" Damn it, she read my mind, I must have been staring at the bottle just as wantonly as I was the food.

"Fine, I guess you're right, it's not like I have good memories associated with alcohol anyways." I give in without protest, knowing she really is right. For one, she would think that she is taking advantage, and two, she would think that because there is a chance I wouldn't be able to stop myself from, as Santana would say, getting all up on that.

I am finding myself more open than I've ever been, right here on this stupid cruise, and I'm thinking it is partly from the beautiful creature sitting down beside me, but mostly from my mother being so..well, open. She said that she is ok with it, so I feel as if I am too, and what better way to start this new journey than with Remy? If she is as open as I am, then I'm jumping at the chance to try this with her. What could it hurt, right?

"Hey, lamb?" My eyes snap up to meet hers, the nickname rings through my ears and reverberate through my head in a different, yet familiar raspy voice.

"Better watch out, your smile is showing." Remy, unaware of the pain she is causing my racing heart, jokes playfully at my still large, but now dimming and confused smile.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" I ask her just above a whisper, voice wavering and hand shaking as I cut the surprisingly tender, medium rare steak.

She frowns, looking dejected for a few moments before replying, "Is there any nickname you are ok with? I thought it was fitting, you're pale, soft, cuddly, and I saw a beanie baby in the gift shop, it reminded me of you, so I bought it. It's a baby lamb, I was going to give it to you tonight, but if-and you're crying. Oh, Quinn, I'm sorry, please don't cry, I can take it back and I won't call-"

"Stop, it's fine, I'm fine." I cut her off, shaking my head to stop her babbling, and then laying my hand over hers to make sure she stays quiet.

She does.

"It's ok, I like the nickname, and I like that you thought of me. It's just, one of my best friends used to call me that, and I thought you-"

"You thought that I got it somehow, maybe even from your friend to use it against you. I would never do that. It just isn't me to go out and dig things up just to hurt people, especially the ones who I like. If I want to know something, I will ask or wait for you to tell me, I am not going to go behind your back. I don't even know anyone from Lima, just you, so I have no idea who you are even referring to. Just trust me when I say that not everyone is out to hurt you, if you can do that, then you will be so much happier in life." She cuts me off right back, slips her hand from under mine, and places it on top of my own, showing me that she cares.

I immediately feel like a total bitch for even thinking she would do that, it's just so weird that she came up with the name too, I mean these girls live in two different cities, have never met or spoken to each other in their life, and yet, both of them come up with them same cute nickname. Though, the reasoning behind them is different at least. Why are they so similar? Why couldn't I have met someone who doesn't remind me every few minutes of the girl that I have wanted since forever? It isn't fair, not fair at all. I have to suck it up though, I can't let her stop me from pursuing this woman, or I will never end up happy. And that just wouldn't do.

I deserve to be happy.

With Remy.

All week.

"Remy, I, I'm so sorry. I didn't really think you would do that, deep down I knew it was impossible; I just wasn't sure what to think. Hearing that name brings back old memories and I had to know why you were calling me it, I mean, you have to admit that it's a little odd that both of you thought of it, right? But it's ok, I like it, and if you want to keep calling me lamb, then I am not going to be mad or upset with you. I like it." I do, I like it. Even if it does slightly hurt still, I'm sure that I will be able to handle it, Remy says it so affectionately and I like that. I really do.

"I know you didn't mean it, I would probably be suspicious too if some random girl started calling me by a childhood nickname. All is forgiven and forgotten. However, I'll only continue calling you that if you are truly ok with it, all right? I don't want to overstep my bounds and make things more awkward and tense between us than they already are. I like you, Quinn, so please, tell me if I say or do something wrong." She replies kindly, honestly, and openly, making me like her even more than I already do, for how caring and considerate she is being towards me.

I smile and nod shyly, feeling so open and exposed now from all of these deep conversations we're having. I hope now that we have covered some ground, we can decide if, no, she can decide if she wants to continue to 'like' me and do something about it, or just leave it the way things are and try for just friends. I know which one I want, so all I need is to know what she wants, so that we can move forward from here.

"I like you too." I let her know just in case she didn't get the memo earlier, and by the way her face brightens up, it is telling me that she was unsure before.

"Do you think that your mom would, would she be ok if we got to know each other better?" She asks me in the same timid mode she was in before and the same one I'm in now.

I love how one minute she is cool and collected, and the next she is shy and unsure. It balances her personality out, and is hot and adorable all at the same time.

"I can assure you that she is more than ok with it. Are y-you ok with us getting to know each other better?" I reassure her, and then redirect the question to make sure that she is ok with this too.

All parties involved need to be ok, or this will not work.

"I'm hesitant about it, but that doesn't mean that I won't try, actually, I'd honestly be stupid if I didn't." She answers with a small chuckle latched on at the end, sending another pleasant shiver down my spine.

"Good. Though, I wouldn't blame you if you ran far far away for real this time, well, as far as this ship would allow. It's not everyday that you meet someone and become so off kilter because of it." I opt to give her another out, just incase we end up getting in to deep and not being able to walk away without really hurting one another.

I have to cover my bases, or, again, this will not work.

And I want it so badly to work.

"I'm not running, lamb, I really want to know you, so if we give each other that chance, then I know for a fact, that everything will work itself out." There goes that nickname again, and there goes the pang right along with it. I swallow the lump in my throat and think that at least we seem to be on the same page now.

That is all that matters, we are in this together, and will continue to learn each other, together.

"I'd like that." I whisper over the lump that refuses to go down, then to make sure she knows I mean it, I take charge for a split second and lean over to kiss her cheek. I might have nuzzled my nose against her soft skin as well, before pulling back to eat our now cold food. She sits frozen for what seems like forever, but finally gathers her focus back and follows my example by eating in the more comfortable silence.

I liked it when Santana called me lamb or little lamb when we were best friends

But I'm thinking that maybe I like Remy calling me lamb too.

It only hurts as if a memory stick is impaling me.

And it's only my heart that is being speared.

Santana doesn't care about my heart.

But maybe Remy does.

So I like it.

I do.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Yay, another update! I do hope that you guys enjoy this one ^.^ Thank you mucho for the reviews and alerts guys! You are all awesome.

**Disclaimer:** Glee isn't mine, blah, blah, blah.

**Warnings:** More talk of past abuse, but nothing to too bad. Also, this was finished at almost 4am, so, I'm sorry for any mistakes there may be..

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><p>August 23rd, Santana's Pov<p>

The ride to my house is taking longer than it should be, but only because I'm driving around my ass to get to my elbow, it's actually kind of funny since Quinn is following my every route, knowing that I must be stalling for our talk. I am curious to see how long it takes before she calls or texts me. It doesn't take long; my cell chirps at me from the passenger seat, letting me know that I have a new text message. I'm surprised she texted instead of called; we are driving after all, what if I read and try to reply, then end up running into the next lane or into a tree? She, along with our pocket-sized diva, have both lectured me on texting while driving. I think she is desperate, and a little scared to call me, probably wondering if I am going to yell at her again, or hurt her new exposed feelings. I don't want to, but I can't promise that I wouldn't say something I shouldn't either.

Texting is the safer option at this point, and she knows this. It makes me feel like crap that she knows I might hurt her, but that is the last thing I want, I seriously don't want it at all, however, hurting each other is what comes naturally for us these days and it's hard to break that with everything going on. I sigh, reach over for my iphone, and then tap on it to see the new message.

~San, please, no more stalling.~ Q

I sigh again, knowing that I have run out of time with her, and take the next road that will lead us home. I choose not to reply, not sure what to even say and not having the mental link to even think of something while driving, instead I turn the radio up, hoping that the loud, thumping bass will override my mind until we can pull into the driveway. 10 minutes later, I am finally on my own street, Quinn still close behind me. I push the garage door button as my still loudly rapping car pulls in the driveway and then into my parking space beside moms empty one. Just fuckin' great, we're alone except for my sister and her sitter, hm, maybe I can persuade (pay) the ginger haired 25 year old to stay until Quinn leaves. Or better yet, I bet I could gets my sweet Carmen to aggravate us so that Quinn 'will' leave. No, I can't do that; it would just make the ex head cheerio even more determined than before.

Better get this over with now, so that I can focus my time this year on smoothing things over between Britts and me. I huff, cut the engine, and then skulk out of the car. Once inside, I toss my crap on the kitchen counter and prepare to meet Q at the front door. Running bare feet pound against the hardwood floor in the hallway, giving me only seconds warning before a torpedo of energy crashes into me, I grunt from the impact and my hand shoots out, grasping the wall to steady us. The girly chuckles that emit from the little body attached to mine are muffled into my breasts, and the tiny hands clutched at my sides, wrap tightly around me as much as possible. I afford myself to smile genuinely and hug my energetic sister back,

"Good afternoon, hermana. How was school?" I greet her and ask curiously, as we spin in a dizzying circle, she squeals and laughs, making me cringe, yet smile at being able to make someone I care about happy.

"School is awesome! Though, I really don't know why kids these days have such a hard time. Have you seen my schoolwork? Piece of cake. Between you and me, I think that I am the smartest 5th grader in school, my only real competition is Adam Keesler, who while I admit is very smart and could give me a real challenge again this year, made a B- in math today. And also, Mandy Thomas, who while not far behind us, is mean and got detention today for making fun of Adam and pushing him down at recess." She answers me all in one breath, managing to give one Rachel Berry a run for her money on paragraph speaking skills.

They are the only two people that I know who can wear you out just by talking, and not to mention their constant chirpy attitudes and diva temper tantrums. Well ok, that last one is only Berry; Carmen is actually the sweetest, most well behaved chica that I know. My phone beeping and vibrating on the counter stops my reply and alerts me to another text, which reminds me that Quinn is still outside, waiting for me to let her in.

"That's right, you show them other kids who is gunna make it out of this lame ass town. You know how proud I am of you, care bear. Now, have I told you how much I adore you lately?" I encourage her and question affectionately as I reach for my phone, she smiles at me and nods, "everyday."

~Tana, you don't want me to turn into a real ice queen, do you? Because I will if you insist on ignoring me and leaving me out here to freeze.~ Q

"Good, I don't want you to ever forget that. And to show you just how much I love you, there is a surprise waiting at the door, go-" I don't even get the rest out before she squeals again and is running back the way she came, bare feet slapping the hardwood floor in her haste to get to the front door.

I shake my head at the girl's excitement and make my escape up the spiral staircase leading upstairs to my room from the kitchen. I'll let Carmen detain the ice queen while I sneak off for a few extra minutes alone.

"Quinn!" Carmen yells out overzealously, shrill voice carrying all the way up here, and making me cringe again, yet chuckle at the same time.

I shut my door, and for a moment, wonder if I should lock it too, but decide against pushing my luck. Quinn is a master lock picker after all… I strip down and replace my school clothes with something more comfortable, sweats and an old t-shirt B left over here, and then flop backwards onto my bed, sinking into the heavenly softness with a tired sigh. Again, my cell phone beeps at me, I roll my eyes, groan and then seize it with a deadly grip that I'd rather have around Quinn's neck. Ok, not really, I honestly couldn't imagine hurting her, no matter how frustrated I am. Actually, the thought of hurting her is making me a little ill; she has been through so much shit already without me adding on to it. It's a wonder why she even wants anything to do with me after all we have been through the last couple of years. The last I knew, she hated me and I pretended to hate her back.

So, what really did happen this summer? What ever it was, whether it be from that new 'someone' she met, or the time away with her mother, I'll be finding out soon enough.

~U are mean, Lopez, sicking ur little sister on me just so u can stall longer. That's okay, cause I don't plan on leaving until u are done hearing me out. Btw, I paid ur sitter and sent her on her way.~ Q

Yeah yeah, I already knew she wasn't leaving anytime soon. Wait, what? She paid Ginger? How the hell does she even have money?

She is becoming more of a mystery every damn day.

I don't reply, again. Instead, I toss my phone on the nightstand and then close my eyes, trying to relax in the coolness of my room. Relaxing though, would be easier if I had a warm blanket, seeing as mom must have stole mine to wash it, come to think of it, my sheets set isn't the same as when I had left this morning. Needing some type of warmth, I force myself up and out of bed to go rummage through my duffle bag for my favorite throw. Except, it isn't there, my duffle is clear of anything and is neatly placed back in my closet where it should be. I pout; knowing mom cleaned it out and threw what was in there with my dirty bedding. I plop back down on my bed with a crazy thought, an idea that may or may not work, the question is, should or shouldn't I try it? The answer? It depends on if I want to risk being caught or not. What the hell, I'm a stealthy bitch.

I stand up, tip toe to the door, and then open it slowly, peeking out to look for pinky and the brain. I see neither, so I creep away from the safety of my room and sneak back to the spiraling staircase, taking each step carefully and watching out for those creaking floorboards that will give me away. Luckily, I have lived here long enough to remember the worst ones, and manage to avoid them. I peek around the wall to see if they are in the kitchen, but thankfully the coast is still clear, which makes me smirk, thinking that I am 'that' much closer to my destination without getting caught. I use the same knowledge with the kitchen floor, that I did on the staircase, using my memory to evade all of the squeaky areas. The open doorway that I need comes into view, I smile wider and cross through it, my nose is then instantly rewarded with the smell of fresh laundry.

A whicker basket full of folded couch throws and little blankets is sitting on a corner table beside the dryer; I sift through them until the one I am looking for comes into sight, and then grab and wrap the still warm blankie around me. Mom may have pulled the covers off our beds, but Ginger, aka: The best sitter on the planet is the one who got bored and decided to wash some of our things. I'll have to tip her tomorrow. I turn around, peep my head out, and then follow the same path I took on the way down. Once I step foot in my room, the smile that graces my face next is nothing short of victorious, I'm actually proud of myself and have to wrap the throw around me as close as possible with a now content as can be sigh. I'm a few inches away from the bed when the door clicking shut has me whirling around, however, before I can even see who just entered my room, a body collides with mine, causing me to propel backwards and to bounce hard on my bed with a surprised squeak.

The same body traps my own with theirs, hands sliding in mine to hold them hostage above my head, and strong thighs pinning my hips to the bed. If I didn't know it was Quinn before she attacked me, I know now just from her new sexy as all hell scent so close to my senses and the familiar, unchanged smell of her shampoo.

"You think you're so sneaky, huh? Well guess what? So am I. And now that I have you in my clutches, I'm not letting you go again until I am done talking. Is that clear?" Her raspy, sexy smokers voice-that I thought I could only pull off, but was sorely mistaken, and the way she is straddling me, has chills spreading over my body, and in turn, causes me to shiver beneath her.

I'm hoping she thinks that I am cold and in no way turned on by the sudden proximity. Not that I am, cause that would just be hella weird, I mean, this is Quinn we're talking about. I 'am' cold…that's all…honest.

I move my gaze from the wall behind her, intending to glare and make a snarky remark, but am instantly shut up by the honeyed swirling orbs staring down at me.

Rather than the cold, calculating stare that I expected from her, her eyes and face show determination, along with something else akin to hope and vulnerability. I have to be dreaming, seriously, because since when did she show any type of emotion other than anger, spite, cool indifference, and bitch? I don't know, but this is getting more than a little uncomfortable and awkward, so I'm thinking that I should maybe say or do something now.

"I see that your need to be on top hasn't changed at all." Not what I was going to say, but we'll just go with it and see where it takes us, I'm not one for being shy of something I've said, so why start now?

She tenses above me, her hold tightening over my hands and her milky white thighs clenching my hips as she freezes, and then being this up and close in her personal space, I can see the blush rising on her cheeks and spreading downward to her chest. Ok, well, maybe I followed the blush just to see if it would spread, it's too bad though, that I can't actually see down her shirt any further. Oh hell, hold up, no, that is a good thing. A very good thing. Cause why would I, Santana Lopez, want to look down Quinn Fabray's shirt? I don't want to, like, at all. I mean, just because I'm a newly out (to myself) lesbian, doesn't mean that I want to go looking down every girls shirt, even if they are hot or not, and Quinn is definitely hot, which doesn't matter, cause I don't want to look down her shirt.

"Despite what you may think, Santana, those days are behind me. I have better and more important things in my life than the need to be on top, which I am so over now, all that matters to me is my happiness, and being what I was, top dog, head cheerio, and co ruler of this school...really wasn't making me happy. I only strived for those titles so that I could control something in my life for once, and maybe so I wouldn't be as lonely." She loosens back up, releases both grips on me, and then starts to open up and get to why she is even here.

Once I'm free, I lean up and gently push her off me, needing some kind of space between us so that I can breathe without smelling everything her, and needing distance if we're seriously about to have a heart to heart. She only moves to where she is sitting in front of me, I sigh, realizing this is the only amount of space I am getting unless I am the one who moves away. I'm too lazy and warm to move, so I stay right where I am, and even sit up with her, we're so close now that our knees are touching. She glances up at me before her eyes drop lower, to my-wait, is she checking me out? The thought makes me hold in a laugh. No, that can't be it, I'm covered, and why would she even want to check me out anyways? Again, this is Quinn straight Fabray; there would be no reason for her to leer at me. Except for the fact that I'm a hot bitch, but other than that…

No, her eyes are on the…blanket?

"Are you cold?" I find myself asking, mostly out of courtesy of course, not because I care or anything.

Lie.

She looks at me again, head shaking in the negative, but her eyes fall back down to the blanket and she even reaches out to fondle the edge of it,

"No, well, maybe a little, but I'm ok, sitting here with you is making me kind of warm anyways."

Whoa, is she, is Q flirting with me? Nah, she's just toying with me…

Right?

"Oh yeah? I knew even you couldn't resist my hot Latina blood." I play along and even wink, wanting to know how far she is willing to go before she switches back over to serious.

"..." She turns her head away again and mumbles something I can't hear, and now I'm really curious as to what that something was and why she has become…shy.

"What was that? You're gunna have to speak up, Q" I tease her, eyebrow raised in challenge as she turns her head back towards me.

"Never mind, it was nothing important." She shrugs it off, averting her gaze again, which makes me sigh, again, and roll my eyes at her.

"Whatever, just say what you followed me here to say." I grumble, upset that she let it go so easily. I then cross my arms over my chest in my signature 'impatiently waiting, so get on with it, but secretly defensive' front. She nods her head, mouth opening to speak, and then it closes around an Irritated sigh, apparently not knowing what to say to me now that we're here face to face. I'm not the only one that has trouble opening up and sharing feelings, plus, it has been this way between us for a long time, too long, so it's a hard habit to break.

"Tana, I-I need to tell you so much, but this is harder than I thought it was going to be and that's saying something. Before I start, I need to know that whatever you hear, it will all stay in this room. Can you do that for me?" She finally speaks up, and though her words are soft and said in barley above a whisper, I can tell how serious this is, all because Quinn Fabray is on the verge of begging me to listen instead of demanding me.

Also, my nickname coming from her mouth, again, not only causes my heart to ache, but to cement the notion that this talk is 100% serious. She needs me to be Tana, the best friend before high school, not Santana, the ex-best friend turned frienemy. I'm not sure if I am ready for this now, something tells me by the time we are done, I am going to feel more than I have felt in a very long time. I can't say no to her though, not when she is looking at me with so many open emotions, one of them being hope, and not a single one of them being an emotion that the HBIC would ever show, even to her second in command.

"I'm listening, Q." I nod and let her know, accepting her terms and conditions.

She is giving me trust, at least enough to unload on me, the least I can do is listen and keep my mouth shut, if only to keep that trust and let it grow.

"Thank you, Tana; you don't know how much this means to me. I'm about to tell you things that I haven't shared with anyone, the only other person privy is my mom, but I need you to know because you were my best friend and the only person who I can tell. I'm telling you this so that you will see how much it affected my life, how much I have changed, and how I'm still working on bettering myself now that I am free." Having my full attention, She starts right off again, apparently needing this so bad, that she is pushing through how hard it is, and the fear of anything I will say or do.

I take in what was said, before nodding for her to continue.

She breathes in deeply, eyes closing for a brief moment, and then opening back up as she does indeed continue, "As you are aware, I didn't have the best childhood growing up, you know how strict my father was and how submissive my mother was, but that was all you saw, it's only what everyone outside of our family witnessed. Behind closed doors though, it was as bad as you probably imagined. You aren't stupid, I know you knew something was up and pretty sure you thought of things that could be going on; some of them may even be true. T-That bastard of a man, who was supposed to love my mother and me unconditionally, loved his reputation even more. He prided himself on it so much, that even one out of line thing mom or me would say or do, would cause him to go into either a silent rage, or a not so silent rage."

_I knew it, I fucking knew it! He laid his hypocritical hands all over my best friend her mother! I swear to God if I ever think that I see that son of a-_

"He hurt us, Tana, and not with just his words, but with his hands, his fists. He would scream and throw his precious drinking glasses at or around me, he would drag me by my hair, push, shove, hit, and slap me around. My mom though, she had it so much worse than me. I would get the abuse mostly in places that I could cover or hide, but mom, hers were deeper, larger, and uglier. It would take more to cover up, I helped a lot, I mean, she is my mother, you know? I could never hate her, I tried, hating her, yet it only gave me incentive to love her more. On the outside it appeared that she was as bad as him, but to me she could never be anything like him." I'm admittedly gaping at her once she is finished for the moment, knowing that he h-hit them is one thing, but it being confirmed by the very person abused still shocks the hell out of me.

I don't know whether to throw up, cry, comfort her in some way, or hit something (namely, Russell so dead Fabray.) Knowing that she isn't done yet, I swallow down the growing lump in my throat, blink the tears far far away, and then clench one fist while the other hand inches towards Quinn's leg. Not quite touching yet, but there if I gain the balls to actually reach out to her.

"We were terrified of him, he even threatened us, he had said if we ever thought of leaving or calling the cops on him that he would…do…things. So after he kicked me out for being pregnant, for being a disgrace to the family name and a disappointment to him, when mom said or did nothing to stop it, she had her reasons. Good reasons even though I didn't know it at the time. She was protecting me like she had already done so many times over the years, more times than I can even count, and some that I know I have no clue about, because mom wouldn't talk about things that he did to her. The number one reason why I became who I did in high school was because I had no control in my life, I had no free will other than what I did at school, so I ate up the power we had and ran with it." She continues to bare her soul to me, powering through the tears and a hoarse voice strained with keeping those tears at bay, and by the end of this, I have to bat my own away with a shaky hand. Needing to either hit something (still) or touch something (Quinn).

This time I let myself slide that shaking hand across her knee, I can't help it, hearing and witnessing how what happened to them, is affecting her now while retailing everything, is making me want and need to offer some comfort. I didn't expect this when she came to me, not at all, but I'm not so cruel as to pretend that I don't care or to pretend that this isn't affecting me as well, because I do care and this really fuckin' is affecting me.

"I'm sorry, I know this is a hell of a lot to take in, and you're probably tired of hearing me talk already, I just needed to get all of this out." She flinches, tensing instantly under my touch, and then looks down as she apologizes, but relaxes when I don't chicken out and pull away, when instead; I slide higher up her leg until my palm is flat against her thigh, producing warmth and a show of support.

"You're right, it is-"

"Shit, S, I'm so sorry, I knew that I shouldn't have done this, I shouldn't be here with you. God, I just, I-"

"But Q, if I ever see Russell Fabray again, I am going to KILL him. Starting with his arms, I'll fucking rip them off and then beat the shit out of him with his own bare hands, not stopping until he is black and blue and un recognizable. And then, when his throat is so raw from the attempted screams and pleads for his life around his own dick used to gag him, I will look into his cold, dead, but pleading eyes, and I will shove it down his throat until he chokes to death."I cut her off, ignoring her interruption like it never happened and finishing what I needed to say with so much honesty and conviction that I scare my own self.

She gawks at me, speechless and taken aback by how serious I am and how hard I'm sure my face looks, "Santana-"

"He HURT you, Quinn, and the whole time I've known you, you didn't say one word. Which I get, ok? You were scared and threatened, but I had suspicions of something going on with you, and I could have done something to get you and your mother help. All this time, dios, I could have protected you." I cut her off once again, angry, not at her, but at 'him', and honest to God hurting inside for my long lost best friend.

"I should have told you, we didn't keep secrets, ever. I should have told you, I almost did, more than once, but I didn't and there is nothing either one of us can do about it now. It's over, there is no point in focusing on what ifs and should haves, all we can do now is move forward from it, and that is exactly what I'm doing, me telling you now is my way of moving on from the past and keeping a promise we made to each other just months after we first met. Keep no secrets; tell no lies. I can't take back anything I did or did not do with you, but I sure as hell can try my damndest to make up the wrongs and make them right by you. If you let me."

It being over now doesn't make it any less painful for me to wrap my head around, but I know that she is right, we can't focus on what ifs, even if I would have given everything that I was back then to get her and Judy out. Yeah, I didn't expect this, and I sure as hell didn't expect for her to call truce, I thought it would take longer because of who we have become over the years, and even then, I wasn't sure this moment would ever come at all. Am I a conniving, vindictive bitch who appears to have a black heart made of stone? Yes. Was I once Quinn Fabray's best friend, who I looked up to, and cared for unconditionally? Yes. Before high school, the two of us were inseparable, along with Brittany, and between the three of us, we were unbreakable, a triquetra. Only in high school were we deemed the unholy trinity.

That title fits who we are, not who we were, and I hate what it represents now more than ever.

"Only if you let me do the same. You are not the only one who has wronged their best friend, Q, you know how I am, I fight back and try to top what was done to me or to the ones I care for most. I have made so many mistakes since high school started, and seeing as this is our last year, I want to fix what I have ruined. If you can do it, so can I, right? I say we start with each other and then go from there, though don't expect me to do this shit over night, I mean, I don't even plan on working through everything until I get the hell out of this town." I don't know what she is doing to me, but whatever feelings, emotions, and wise knowledge she implanted inside my head from the time I laid eyes on her at school yesterday until now, is affecting me 10 fold and making want to fix shit.

"You're right, this is a two way street, you and I both have done things to each other and to other people who didn't deserve it. If you are willing to work things out too, then nothing would make me happier. And no, I don't expect you to change over night, I didn't. If you are 100% committed to doing this, then in the end, it will be worth all the blood, sweat and tears. And not to mention the hard work and soul searching." She agrees, nodding while she replies softly and encouragingly. Her hand hovers over mine, the one still warming her thigh, and touches it lightly, as if she is afraid I will jerk away. I don't move except to tense at first, but then I relax once her own body heat radiates into my hand, which makes her release a breath and fully settle hers over my own.

"This is our year to get it right, Quinn, and I am going all out to make that happen. Only one thing would make it better though, do you know what that thing is, Q?" I say and ask, determination lacing my words.

"Me?…" She shrugs and jokes, but I can tell that she really isn't joking by the, again, hopeful look in her eyes that she cannot seem to hide.

"So close, guess again." I tell her cryptically with a smirk, she frowns and tries to take her hand back, taking my words the wrong way.

I don't let her, and instead, trap hers with mine.

"San, I don't know… Britt?" She sighs, frustrated, and then guesses in a smaller voice while looking away.

"You, Britt and me. That's what I need, that is what we all need to storm through this year." I let her know, eyes searching out hers to make sure she sees that I am serious about this.

She glances back at me and I finally lock on to her misty hazel orbs, she looks surprised and a little bit cautious, which I don't blame her for.

"Triquetra." She breathes the word, almost as if it is sacred and shouldn't be said too loud, or it wouldn't hold as much meaning.

"Yeah, Q, triquetra, not the unholy trinity. So, what do you say, pick you up at 6:45 tomorrow morning, and then you, me and Britt go grab breakfast?" I nod, telling her that she has it right, and then ask/suggest. This time it's me being hopeful, though now that I made such a big deal about this whole 'talk' it's a little unexpected for me to even feel hopeful. I mean, just an hour ago all I felt was dread and maybe just a hint of fear…

"Really? I-I'd like that." She questions almost silently, and then with a quick nod of my head accompanied by a small chuckle, she agrees just as quietly.

"Awesome. Did, did you uh, wanna talk some more?" I nod again, head bobbing stupidly, and then remembering that she wasn't finished spilling her guts all over my bed, ask hesitantly.

"No, I think I am a little drained now. I'm going to go home and lie down. But I will see you in the morning?" She declines, obviously tired, and tugs her hand from under mine.

The sudden lack of warmth is almost staggering.

"Yeah, definitely." I confirm, pouting inwardly at the lack of Quinn on my bed.

I'm not so sure I want her to leave now.

"Okay, great. Thank you again, for listening, I really needed that." She bobs her head just as I had done a few minutes ago and thanks me again, voice soft and shy.

"Yeah, definitely." O geez, maybe I'm the one who is drained, because apparently, my verbal ability has vanished.

A raspy chuckle is her response.

"Haha, now get outs my house, bitch." I roll my eyes and tease her playfully.

She rolls hers and moves closer to the door, but then she pauses, "Hey, Tana?"

"Hm?" I gaze at her questioningly, waiting.

"I regret a lot of things in my life, but do you know the one thing that I regret most, the one thing that tears me up inside more than anything?" She speaks just above a whisper, only just loud enough for me to hear, but hear I do, and what was said makes me think and then it doesn't take long for me to come to a conclusion.

"Giving Beth up." I state more than ask, in a tentative, cautious whisper, knowing that is what she regrets the most in this world.

"No, she's in a good home with a loving mother who is able to give her the world, which is more than I could have given her. I love her so damn much, Tana, but giving her up was the right thing to do." Saying that I am stunned would be an understatement, I am actually so shocked, that my mouth falls open in surprise. Beth means everything to her, so what else can there be that she regrets more than that?

I see her breath in deeply, and then let it out, "Hurting you. The very first time I ever hurt you is what I regret most."

She is out the door before I can say anything, though to be honest, even if she had stayed, I'm not sure I would be able to form any words.

Yeah, I didn't expect any of this, but I sure as hell am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Not when the gift is my best friend.

"See you in the morning, lamb."

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><p><strong>AN 2:** I am trying to make these as long as I can. Hoping this was ok, I think my writers block is easing up some, so that's good. I believe that I will work on chapter 22 of Glee goes camping next, it really has been way too damn long since I've updated on that. Wish me luck? I'm going to need it to get the rest of that chapter fleshed out. Anyhoo, goodnight all, and happy reading. ^.^


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Here I am! I have not abandoned this story! -Even though it may seem like I have..- :/ I am so very, terribly sorry. Writing on as many stories as I have going is a bitch, something I shouldn't have put on myself.. But, oh well, nothing I can do but write, write, write.

I want to thank all of you who have reviewed thus far, along with all of the alerts/favorites, they really do mean a lot, and I appreciate them all! :D

Also, I do have chapter 9 in progress, so it should not be another 5 months for a new update..

Hm.. enjoy? ^^

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><p>August 10th, Quinn's POV<p>

So, yesterday went better than I had expected, mom and I had a heart to heart, and we spent some much-needed time together. I learned things about her that I never would have in a million years expected, and part of that was her being so damn open, which in turn gave me free will to have a heart to heart with Remy. After we talked it out yesterday, and had finished eating that delicious food, Remy sadly left my room to give us both some space to take in what all was said between us. We like each other that much is clear, the thing that is not clear is how far we want to venture into this new 'friendship' during our left over five day stay on the ship. Remy had said she wanted to continue hanging out, that she would not be stupid enough to give that up, but I could tell she was still hesitant about going any further than that.

I on the other hand want to see where we land, I'm not stupid either, this woman is gorgeous and she has genuine interest in me, so why would I give that up? I won't. I may be scared too, this whole girl on girl thing is new to me, but if I do not let myself give in, then how am I supposed to learn? How would I ever find happiness if I don't try? And, come on, whom else better than Remy? We have chemistry, there is something there between us that I want to explore, so I hope to God that she doesn't pull away from me. Coming onto this ship was the best thing mom has ever made me do, and yeah, at first I hated the idea, because I am a scaredy cat when it comes to the open ocean, however, now I just couldn't imagine not being here.

A knock on the door causes a giddy feeling to spring up within me, and a bright smile spreads across my face as I practically sprint over there to answer it. I stop right in front of the door to take a deep breath while smoothing my dress down, and then I open it, revealing a sight that steals the breath right back out of me. Remy is standing there in a little black dress, one that hugs her torso in all the right places and displays her breasts to my overly eager eyes. Eyes that dart off to the side before darting back. I probably shouldn't stare so hard, but how could I not with her wearing _that?_

Is she trying to teas-

"Sweetie, my eyes are up here." I jerk my head up at her voice, only to be met with a smirk and laughing eyes.

I flush, hard, feeling it spread to the tips of my ears.

"Um, s-sorry?" I squeak out, embarrassed from ogling her so blatantly.

Then it isn't just her eyes laughing, she chuckles for real, the familiar raspy tone giving me an eargasm,

"You look beautiful too you know. And, just as long as no one else tries to leer you at as you did me, we should have a great night." She teases me, a glint in those beautiful orbs of hers, and then not giving me a chance to grab anything, she hauls me out the room, barely letting me close the door.

"Eager much?" I tease back, looping my arm through hers when I catch up to her side.

"Yes. I want to know how it feels to dance with you in my arms. Imagining just isn't doing it for me anymore." She answers without hesitation, teasing nowhere in her tone.

My face flares with heat and I glance down, teeth worrying my bottom lip as thoughts of us dancing together run through my head. I picture us on the dance floor, me timid at first and looking around the room, but in my head no one cares, so I peer back at the gorgeous woman standing in front of me; she is patiently waiting for me to make a move.

"Where is that mind of yours, lamb?" Remy knocks me out of my thoughts, and I look up at her, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"Hm?"

"Off in space apparently." She laughs at me while gently nudging my side. "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh. Sorry. It was nothing important." I shrug the question off, blushing, because yes, what I was thinking of was very important.

She just doesn't need to know that.

"I doubt that. If your head was so zoned that you didn't notice we were heading for the wall, then it must have been important." Her voice is both teasing and concerned as we make it out of the cabin area and onto the main 'entertainment' floor, where our destination is at, right down the hall.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I tend to walk sideways when I'm distracted." I blush and grimace, then apologize while completely ignoring the previous topic.

I am pretty sure that I am going to turn into a tomato by night's end.

Hm, well, maybe then I can get her to eat me.

"I noticed. I also notice that you are ignoring me. That's okay though, I just ask of you one favor." We stop right at the room door, or more specifically, she stops me, eyes boring into my own.

"S-Sure." I stutter out, her gaze doing funny things to my body and preventing me from thinking straight.

Not that I want to…

"Have fun and try not to space out on me again, okay? I want you here with me." There is that serious tone again, she wants me coherent, and she wants me here… with her.

I cannot promise anything, because my mind tends to drift a lot, but I want to be here… with her.

"Okay." I nod, and she smiles, taking my hand in hers and tugging me all the way into the fully occupied ballroom.

Or whatever the hell the damn thing is called.

We sit at a small table, a two-person table, or what I like to call, a couples table. A waiter near by takes our order for dinner, and then walks off, leaving us alone to watch other couples chatter amongst themselves. The atmosphere is filled with happy, and everyone already looks as if they are having a good time. A light touch on my wrist has me turning with a soft smile; Remy is looking at me, a smile on her face matching mine as her fingers glide along my skin. They tickle over my palm before interlocking with my own. The simple yet intimate touch makes warmth bloom in my chest, and I can't help but squeeze our joined hands together even as my head tilts downward shyly, another blush tinting my cheeks.

"You are so adorable, lamb, do you know that?" She asks as her hand squeezes back, and I shake my head at her, still looking away.

"Here you are ladies, a coke for you and a glass of wine for you." The waiter from before sets our drinks down, making me pout that Remy got wine, and all I get is stupid coke.

How fair is that shit?

"Your food will be out shortly." Our waiter, Jordan, smiles at us, - though it lingers a little too long on Remy - before walking away.

"Someone's a little jealous I see." And back to teasing, I see…

Wait what? "What?" I am not jealous of that man!

"You are eyeing my wine quite hard, Q." Oh. The wine. Right, that I am jealous of…

"I won't lie, I am jealous, but you should watch out, cause I might take-" I go to retort, then stop myself, because yeah, I was two seconds away from saying something inappropriate.

"You might take what?" She raises an eyebrow at me, and I cannot help but stare at it, the move reminding me of, well, someone who I should not be thinking of.

"Nothing." I sigh, shaking my head, and then take baby sips of my own drink to keep from having to talk.

"Quinn." I flick my eyes to stare at her, but say nothing. "Don't do that. You don't have to close up."

"Sorry. I'm just not used to, to _this._" I whisper sheepishly, embarrassed at myself, because it seems as if I cannot do anything right around this woman.

Her reply is halted by our waiter, who is setting three steaming dishes down in front of us, mine being chicken fettuccine alfredo, and hers spaghetti. He puts a basket of hot breadsticks in the middle, making my mouth water from all of the scents wafting around; it really does look and smell delicious. Remy must be thinking the same; her face has hungry written all over it.

"Do you girls need anything else?" Jordan asks, smiling again, obviously pleased at our reactions to his bosses' food preparations.

"I think this is good, thanks." Remy answers him after glancing at me.

Jordan nods in response, "Enjoy. I'll be back over to check on you."

We watch as he moves to another table, or at least I do, it seems as if my date is already twirling noodles around her fork, prepared to eat.

And… she says that I am adorable? Right.

Wait, is this a date? We never said, but this whole thing is much too intimate not to be, right?

Right.

"Kiss for your thoughts?" I whip my head up to gawk at her, eyes wide and blinking.

"W-What?" I manage to croak out, not sure if I just heard her ask what I think I did or not, but seriously hoping that I did.

"I said; penny for your thoughts?" She repeats herself, except, that is so not what she said.

I narrow my eyes at her, "That isn't what you said."

"Uh, yes it is. I noticed you were drifting, so I was hoping you would share with me this time." She frowns; face completely serious and worried as she replies.

I frown too, because I could have sworn she- never mind, I guess my mind is imagining wants.

"I was wondering, I mean, are we, is this a date?" I stammer out, flushing as I chance sharing with her my thoughts.

"Do you want it to be?" She asks calmly, making me look like a fool with my stupid stuttering, which in turn makes me glare playfully at her.

There goes that eyebrow again.

God, I miss her.

_Damn it, Quinn, stop it! You cannot keep thinking like that, especially while you're out with someone who is very much not her. Not that you could ever go out with her to begin with, she would scoff and think that you were joking, messing with her. Gah, so not the point! My point is, Q, that you should only be thinking of this gorgeous woman in front of you._

"Yeah." I cut my own thoughts off and peer at her as I answer honestly. "I do."

Her face lights up and she beams at me, "Great, we're on the same page then."

We finish eating in a comfortable silence, mostly only filled with light thoughts on the people and soft jazz music surrounding us. After taking my last bite, I practically slouch in my seat, the fork I'm holding clanking against the plate as I let go of it. Remy has already cleared all traces of her own food, and she chuckles at my expense when I rub over my belly.

"Eat too much?" She asks while grabbing my not as empty plate, and then sets it on top of her own as I nod at her. "You better make room then."

I tilt my head, eyes questioning; are we having dessert? I make a face at the thought. I am way too damn full for even one more bite of anything. Well, except her of course, her neck looks pretty damn appetizing. I lick my lips, zoning in on the spot that I would not mind biting. "Dessert?"

"My neck?" Remy chuckles. I blush, again, and avoid her sparkling orbs. "Is that what you're in the mood for?"

"No!" I squeak, and then grimace at the absurdly loud lie. "I-I mean, yes, no! Wait, I-"

"Quinn, I'm teasing." She laughs at me softly, and a warm hand covers my own. My eyes fall on them, staring intensely as an equally warm feeling spreads south.

"Oh." I release a breath, feeling simultaneously relieved, instantly aroused, and embarrassed. "I have room though." I swallow nervously, attempting to tease back.

"Q, you really don't have to eat anything else if you're-"

"For a bite." I quip, speaking over her before my bravery has a chance to flee.

Her mouth clicks shut as my words register, and I can easily tell that I caught her off guard by the way her cheeks flush. My heart races as I wait for a verbal reaction, I am not used to flirting with women, so I am wary of crossing a line. But if she can flirt and tease, I should be able to, right? Right. It is still silent as the waiter comes back, and he immediately notices the amounting tension.

"I'll get these out of your way… Do you need anything else? Dessert perhaps?" Jordan's tone is hesitant. Remy bites her lip to keep from laughing.

I find myself doing the same.

"No thanks, we're good." Remy answers for us, barely glancing his way. Her focus is on me, and I cannot seem to look away.

Her eyes are so damn hypnotizing.

Jordan only nods and walks off; obviously knowing that he is not wanted.

"So, what's your story? I hardly know anything about you." I lean forward, hands coming to a rest on the tabletop.

She smiles, copying the move, and I perk up, intent on taking in everything.

"Well, I'm from Columbus, Ohio, I graduated high school at the top of my class at the age of 16, started NYU Tisch at 17, and-"

"Whoa, wait, you graduated at 16, and you're going to Tisch?" shocked, I interrupt her, not having expected her to be so, so, just, holy hell, I am turned on.

She blushes and glances meekly away, turning bashful on me within seconds. Could she be anymore adorable than this? Knowing her, more than likely.

"Dancing has been my passion since I was five, and as I got older, I discovered theatre as well. In high school, all I wanted to do was get the hell out, so I worked my ass off to make that happen. I maintained a 4.0 GPA, went to summer school, and earned as many credits as possible. I wanted out, and I was willing to do what it took so that I could better myself where it counted for me. Dance and drama. I graduated three years ago, and then went back for two extra years." She explains in a soft voice with an accompanied smile, as if she were picturing and remembering everything.

It puts a huge ass smile on my own face, this girl is not only hot as hell, she is smart, driven, passionate, and maybe even a nerd.

"I don't even really know you, but I can honestly say that I am pretty damn proud of you. You've done so much, more than most people your age, and the determination, passion, and almost shyness in your expressions when you talk? Well, they are really a remarkable sight. I am seriously impressed." I somehow manage a response, and then blush a little at my own boldness.

The light flush returns to her cheeks with flourish, deepening to a darker and more noticeable red. I get the feeling that she is humble when it comes to speaking about her passions, which makes her even more attractive and interesting, and I really cannot wait to know her even better.

"I hear a lot of praise when it comes to my accomplishments; teachers, friends, my father, but coming from you is somehow different. Special." Her eyes are alight, even more so than when she was telling me about her dreams and how she got there, and again, I get this feeling, a strong, deep rooted feeling of something unnamed.

Jordan comes back to refill our drinks before I can form a response, he appears not as nervous this time, and even engages us in conversation, letting us know that the live band will start playing in five minutes. His eyes stray from filling my glass to Remy's face, and then to her chest, immediately causing a surge of anger and maybe perhaps jealousy to swell up.

"Thank you." I grit out, fingers circling around the glass in an effort not to stab his eyeballs with my knife.

It is not professional to stare down a person that you are serving.

He looks away from her and back to me, nodding tersely when he sees my narrowed eyes, and then taking the hint, he walks quickly away. I lift my glass to take a healthy sip, only to catch Remy's own curious eyes boring into mine with a knowing gleam, and a crooked smirk quirking up her lips. My face blasts with heat, flushing more than any other time spent with her; I just acted like a jealous girlfriend to a girl who is not even mine. I am too embarrassed to say anything, so I take that sip of coke to give my mouth something else to do. Maybe she won't say anything, because I have no idea how I'd explain.

There is no mistaking my unmasked jealousy of a man for a glass wine this time. Damn.

I anxiously fiddle with the end of the tablecloth, waiting for her to tease me or say that that was too much, that we are not together and I have no right to be jealous, but she tips her glass of wine back instead, easily gulping down at least half. I wonder how many she would need to drink before she becomes tipsy, is she a light weight, or can she hold her alcohol? We already know that I cannot hold shit. Maybe it is a good idea for me not to be drinking with her, knowing me, I am bound to try out the scenarios my mind has already come up with involving her and I in my room later.

After setting the glass down, she scooches back enough to stand up, and when I shoot her an arched brow, she only smiles and moves towards me.

"Dance with me?" She holds her hand out, expression a little more than hopeful, and her face is once more rosy, though it is more than likely from the wine.

Now I wish I did have more than just coke, because I am about to dance with another girl in front of a large number of people, and that terrifies me.

I will myself not to glance around the room, shift back, and let my hand slide in hers. She releases a relieved sigh, tugging me out the seat, and then leads me over to the dance floor. There are several couples already in each other's arms, straight couples, but I try my damndest to ignore all of them, only focusing on Remy as she stops us and faces me.

The lights in the room dim down.

Her features are relaxed as she pulls me closer, which is more than I can say for myself, because I do not yet feel at ease. It's only when she grasps my other hand and wraps it around her neck that my nerves somewhat settle, my fingers coming into contact with soft skin has me excited more than on edge. I tickle downward, and watch entranced as chills form and spread until I stop at her shoulder. She takes hold of my hip, and as she lifts our joined hands, we join the others, leisurely beginning to move to the slow song playing in the background.

Being this close feels amazing, as does the warmth from her body, her soft yet strong hand holding my own, and the intimate setting.

One song fades into a second, and by the third, my body has shifted to where I am practically hugged around her. This moment reminds me of when we were in the pool, where we were in almost the same position, only…wetter, well, then again, every minute spent with her has made me wet. Both then and now, I feel the exact same way. Wanton.

"Hey." She thumbs over my hip, making my eyes dart to hers. "You ready for a break?"

If it means that I have to move away from her, then no, I am not ready for a break.

"Sure, I could go for a drink." I nod anyway, my feet are a little sore in these shoes, and I am somewhat thirsty. If only we could move this to one of our rooms.

I think I've had enough dancing in front of other people, I want her alone. To get to know her better of course, not to you know, jump her or anything.. She smiles, pulling back, me reluctantly following suit, and when I go to turn around, she grabs my hand, interlocking our fingers as we walk to the table. Our drinks were apparently refilled while we were immersed in each other, I take mine and end up gulping down a large amount, more parched than I realized. Remy does the same, again downing half, and then not done, she finishes it off.

"Hi, girls." I startle and twirl around, finding a grinning mom and an unknown man standing behind me.

"Mom, hi." I greet her in surprise, not having expected her to be here tonight, especially with a man.

I eye him curiously. Middle age, about 5'10", a slight round belly, high cheekbones that make him appear younger, salt and pepper hair that shows his actual age, and light grey eyes. I can tell that his pale, creamy skin is moisturized, even under the low lights, and he looks sharp in his dark blue tuxedo, so in other words, mom found her a handsome older man that I so far approve of.

"We saw you on the dance floor; you both look so lovely tonight." Mom tells us with a delighted look on her face, as Remy steps up to my side.

I cannot help but blush at this, it was scary enough knowing random strangers could have been watching us, but actually being aware of my mother and some guy that I don't know seeing me basically wrapped around another woman, well, it has me more than a little ruffled. A gentle squeeze to the hand still locked in Remy's own both hushes my mind and reassures me that everything is fine.

"You don't look so bad yourself, mom, you're quite stunning actually." I take in her shorter than usual dress, a navy blue spaghetti strap that shows off her...assets.

Their outfits actually look coordinated.

"Why thank you, darling." Her cheeks tinge pink; she still is not used to compliments.

I attempt to give her at least one everyday to make sure she knows that she is beautiful inside and out.

"This is Avery, Remy's father." My ears perk up at hearing that, and my eyes once again search him over, this time in surprise.

They look nothing alike.

"Oh. Well, it's nice to meet you." I manage to greet him after blatantly staring for several moments, and hold my free hand out for him to shake.

I earn a smile as he politely grasps and then shakes the offered hand, his grip firm, and mine just as. If there is anything that my abusive father taught me, is that a first handshake is important, it instantly gives the other person an impression of you, whether it be strong willed and determined, or weak and scared. Russell taught me how not to be weak and scared, that no one would ever take me seriously if I couldn't even shake their hand without turning into a trembling leaf, so I always strive to make the best first impression that I can. This is no different. Remy is his daughter after all, and he must know that there is something going on between us, I mean, I am potential dating material for his baby girl, so there is no room for mistake.

"A real pleasure." His smile turns into a crooked smirk. "Remy has not stopped talking about you." My hand falters, and I peer at Remy from the corner of my eye.

"Dad, behave, before I tell Judy how nervous you were about meeting her tonight." Remy playfully warns, though spills anyway, as embarrassment heats up her face.

"Well, it was nice running into you both, but I believe I owe your mother a dance." Avery shoots his daughter a glare, and then takes mom's hand, tugging her away.

"Have a wonderful night, ladies!" Mom exclaims at us as they disappear in the small, left over crowd.

This night has been interesting, first seeing Remy in her dress, getting to know her over dinner, dancing in her arms, and now meeting her father for the first time. While he was with my mother. When did that even happen and why wasn't I told? Maybe Remy was waiting to tell me, or maybe she knew that they would be here around this time and wanted to surprise me?

Hell if I know. What I do know, is that there is one thing missing that would truly make this a wonderful night. A kiss.

Or two or three or four.

"You're dad seems nice, and my mom seems to be enjoying his company." I cut into the sudden silence, following our parents' comfortable movements.

They are both smiling. I smile in return, loving that my mother really is having a good time. She needed this.

I needed this, and she knew it.

"He's a really great man, and I'm glad you fell at my feet, because I don't think there is a better woman here than your mother to set him up with." She replies while releasing our hands, and I frown, about to protest for real when she wraps an arm around my waist instead.

"You're sweet." I coo teasingly, circling her own waist to squeeze her closer. She rolls her eyes.

"Hey." Nerves spiking uneasily, I get her attention. She tilts her head to gaze up at me. "So, you wanna maybe call it a night?"

Her face drops instantaneously, as if I had just physically slapped her, and it causes my heart to constrict painfully.

_Good going, Q, insert foot in mouth yet again and make the girl think that you want to get rid of her._

"Shit, that wasn't what I meant." I nudge her to look at me, and she does, though her eyes are more guarded. "Walk me to my room."

It is not a question, and if the way she noticeably shudders from my breath tickling her ear, she knows that it isn't.

Ten minutes later, we are standing outside my door, facing each other, and I have to admit that things have become slightly awkward and tense. I stare, blush, look down, and then not being able to help myself, stare some more, and she's only watching me with amusement. Her expression changes however, when I pout at her, it going from amused to serious.

I do not know what to make of it.

My eyes dart from hers to full lips, the pout wiping from mine as she advances, and my body goes motionless at the first feeling of fingertips ghosting along my cheek. When her thumb teases my bottom lip, my eyes flutter shut, and I regain movement, hand coming up to grip her wrist. She stills briefly, waiting, and the breaths puffing out over my face, has my own picking up. Everything about this moment is both nerve-wracking and exciting, this will be my first kiss with a woman, and I plan to make it worth her while. I have no doubt that she will do the same.

"Your move." She murmurs so, so close to where I want her, and her left hand comes to a rest on my lower back.

My heart stutters.

I gently yet shakily remove her hand from my mouth, holding it at our sides, and then I lean in, grazing my lips along hers. Immediately, I am drawn into her arms, and enveloped in the warmth of her body. I sigh against her lips, before finally diving in and capturing them in a real kiss; my first reaction is a breathy moan. Her lips are soft yet firm as they meld into my own hungry ones, cool yet fiery as they set my body aflame, and insistent yet submissive, as I boldly push her up against the door. A lone hand tangles in my hair, fingers slightly digging in my scalp, and then massaging the back of my head.

My heart thuds.

The tip of her tongue swipes my bottom lip, my mouth automatically opens, granting entry, and I latch onto her cheek, needing to feel as much of her as possible. When her tongue glides along my own for the first time, I release a whimper, mind dizzy with a surge of never felt before sensations. Heat explodes everywhere, and I eagerly twirl my tongue around hers; she tastes of red wine and something else that has to be all her. She tugs on my hair, almost roughly pulling me away from her mouth, angles my head to the side, and attaches her lips to my throat. I gasp, clasping onto her head in surprise, and when her talented tongue flattens out against my pulse point, my knees quake in response. I suddenly feel like Jell-O, and have to secure my hold on her lest I collapse at her feet.

"R-Remy." I groan as teeth rake across my neck, and my hips cant forward as they sink into my flesh.

She bites gently, trapping my sensitive skin between sharp teeth, before letting go and soothing the undoubtedly red area with a teasing lick.

"Fuck, you really are going to get me in trouble." Breath ragged, she mumbles into the crook of my neck, arms sliding back around my waist.

"Never." I shake my head, hugging her close.

My hands rub up and down her back; she is all soft heat, scorching me everywhere we are touching in the most pleasurable way. She lifts her head from its hiding spot, our eyes locking, and I can see my feelings mirrored in her two beautiful, different colored orbs, which are both now virtually covered by blown pupils. Lust, want, arousal.

Hesitancy.

"Do you want to come in?" I ask anxiously, not sure, if I am ready for yes, or if I need to hear a not tonight. I swallow nervously.

"I-I'm not sure if that's a good idea, lamb, I don't think we're ready for where this is headed." She sighs, slightly shaking her head no, and the instant relief from her negative answer makes me feel guilty. It's not as if I don't want her in there - or anywhere - it's just this is all a little too much for me in one go.

One step at a time.

We have four days left after this, and that is plenty of time for…sex. If we even get that far, which I am actually kind of hoping that we do. You only live once, right? Also, only four days left, fuck, what are we going to do when we have to go our separate ways? What if we end up closer than we thought possible and then four days from now, we're ripped away from-

"Quinn?" I jolt, startled out of my thoughts.

"Whoa, hey, are you okay?" She cups my cheeks, concerned eyes boring into my own.

"Yeah. Yeah, Sorry, I'm fine, just lost in thought again." I nod and grin at her reassuringly, shrugging my worries away.

Her returned smile does not reach her eyes, as if she knows where my thoughts were. And maybe she does, because she could be having them as well.

"Hmm…" She hums, making my eyebrow arch curiously. "This is what we're gonna do." Her thumb smoothes the wrinkle above my nose.

"I am going to tell you that had a wonderful night, kiss you, and then walk away. You're going to go in your room, think about our time together with that goofy smile of yours, and then fall asleep. Tomorrow, I am going to the casino, and then taking you to the arcade with my winnings. It should be fun." Every single negative thought banishes from my head with every word that comes out of her mouth, and a smile the size of the ship we are on takes over my face, this is the self confident, cock-sure girl I first met.

"I had a really wonderful time tonight, Quinn." She whispers, voice deeper than just moments earlier.

"Me too, I really like spending time with yo-mmph." Determined lips crashing into mine cut off my reply, and I let out a noise between a chuckle and moan.

When she pulls back - way too soon for my liking - I cannot resist following and seizing her lips, it's as if my own are starved and she is the only one who can sate them.

"Mmm, I'm walking away." She moans, reluctantly pushing me off, and twirls us around.

My eyes snap open, a pout forming; I do not want her to walk away.

"I'll see you tomorrow, little lamb." She moves further away, walking backwards, before wiggling her fingers at me, and turning around to leave.

I glare at her retreating form, watching her walk away from me, and it's not until I cannot see her anymore that I finally enter my room.

A goofy smile spreads across my face.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** So, this wasn't supposed to take this long.. But I got stuck so bad on this chapter and I don't know why. It could be a little longer, but I needed a break on the stubborn thing, so I decided to go ahead update now. Sorry about the wait. :/ The chapters might become smaller than usual, so that I can post in a better time frame, though unfortunately, I can't promise when the next update will be.

Thank you for all the continued reviews, alerts, and favs. :)

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><p><span>August 24th, Santana<span>

The sun is bright, too bright, and I have a damn headache, though that could be from the heart attack that I am having. I'll be pulling into Quinn's driveway in just a few minutes to pick her up for school, and for some lame ass reason I am nervous as fuck about seeing her. That talk we had put some things into perspective, made me realize how badly I miss her, and how much I regret not being able to be there for her more.

I wish she had talked to me sooner, like when that shit was actually happening, so that I could have protected her. I hate it, I hate what he did to them, and I hate that I didn't know about a damn thing. What got me the most, though, was what she said last.

That what she regretted most was the first time she hurt me.

It really flew me for a loop, hell; I still can't get my head around it.

I would think that anything to do with me would be low on the list of regrets, because I mean, it's me, and there are far more important things than me. Like her daughter. So I don't understand, but if she really feels that way, then who am I to question it?

Right, whom am I kidding? I need to know the answer; I need her to tell me why because it is driving me fuckin' crazy.

With a sigh, I park my car in Quinn's driveway, get out, - still nervous as hell - and ring the doorbell. I grimace as my palms become sweaty while waiting, and have to wipe them along my pants; there is no way that I am meeting up with the girl with sweaty palms. What if we hug? I don't want to be all gross and-wait, why would I want a hug?

Why would we even hug anyway? It isn't as if we are suddenly best friends again and going to be all over each other.

Then why does that disappoint me?

When the doorknob twists, I tense up, and when it opens, I almost turn to jelly. I am sure that my eyes must resemble an owl with how huge they have gotten. The first time I saw Quinn's new look, I thought 'what the hell?' and didn't get it, I didn't understand why, and still don't, but looking at her this very moment.. All I can think is 'there are no words.'

She is standing in front of me wearing snug, holy jeans, a black and turquoise button up plaid shirt that hugs her torso, her favorite combat boots, and her upside down cross. Oh, and her short nails are painted a shiny, midnight black. Her pink hair stands out against the colors of her shirt and make-up, which is a blue-turquoise as well, and brings out her eyes, making them 'pop.' Everything about her is making me feel like I am about to 'pop.'

I'm not sure what that means or how I feel about it.

"You going to stand there and stare at me all morning… or are we going to kidnap Britt, and go grab some breakfast?" Blushing under my still wide eyes, she awkwardly knocks me out of the stare down, fidgeting nervously, or maybe even agitatedly, though I'm not really sure which she feels.

I hope that it isn't the latter.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure." I clear my throat, nodding, and then turn without another word, heading back to my car.

Once we are both settled, I rev up the engine and peel out, wanting to get to Brittany's as fast as possible so that it will not be so awkward and tense. She always could make us forget any and all problems, distracting us from them no matter how big they were. This shouldn't be any different, or at least I hope that it isn't, because we do not need this to be any more awkward than it already is.

"Where are we going for food?" Quinn breaks the silence with both words and a growling stomach.

I chuckle, remembering the same thing happening to me yesterday and her teasing me about it, "I don't know, Q, but I hope that beast of yours doesn't attack before it's fed."

She laughs, an actual genuine laugh, and the sound makes me smile an actual genuine smile.

"It may. It gets kind of crazed when hungry, so I would be careful if I were you." She quips jokingly, apparently in a good mood now.

I like it.

"Well, I am about to tame that bitch, so if it even thinks about biting the hand that feeds it, I will go all Lima Heights on its ass." I don't know where this is coming from, but it feels natural to banter with her over something this stupid, and it is putting me in a better mood as well, one I seriously do not want broken.

She is laughing again, and as her eyes roll, that head of pink, wild hair shakes in amusement.

I miss this. I miss us.

"Britt doesn't know that you're with me. I figured I'd surprise her, and we could hang like old times… or whatever." I speak up after it goes silent again, while pulling in right behind Mrs. Pierce's car.

Turning my head away from her unreadable gaze, I shrug, feeling suddenly vulnerable. The silence becomes deafening and me more than slightly uncomfortable, so I open the door to get out, but a firm yet gentle grip on my wrist stops me from escaping. I sit there, frozen, confused, and curious, not knowing what to do other than enjoy the feel of her fingertips on my skin.

It really has been too damn long since we've had any form of physical contact, and her touch just feels really damn good. It is a few and far between familiarity that sends my mind racing with thoughts of 'What the fuck?', 'why is Quinn making my heart pound with such a simple touch?' and 'please don't let go.' The last one slaps me in the face, and I irritably jerk away from her gentle grip, a scowl marring my once - albeit briefly - smiling face. No words have been spoken in the last several minutes, and it is wearing me down; I have no idea what Quinn is thinking, or what she wants from me.

"I just, are we okay?" Finally, her voice breaks the almost unbearable quietness, but what she asks is not what I expected.

I blink, searching for words that should have been immediately spoken but were not. It just isn't that simple between us, we are complicated, and I therefore have no easy answers to give.

"I don't know." I shake my head, brows furrowed in deep thought.

We need to be okay, I want us to be more than, though right now there are things we still need to work through, shit we have to talk about before we can move past where we are.

Last night was a great start.

When there is no response, only more tense silence, I peer at her cautiously, unsure what her reaction is going to be to my answer. Her eyes are shut, a teardrop trailing her left cheek, and my lips instantly turn down into a frown; I was not prepared for tears. Hell, I am never prepared for girls crying, especially my friends, especially Quinn Fabray.

I think that I just blew up whatever Bridge we built.

"Q-"

"No, no, don't, I know we're not. But, damn it, Tana, I-"

"San?" I jerk my head to the side, finding Brittany standing in front of my cracked door with a pensive look adorning her beautiful face.

"Hey, B, hop in the back." I greet her sullenly, not able to put much of a happy face on because of the girl curled in the seat beside me.

Brittany subtly nods, and then quietly moves to the back seat; our doors slam shut at the same time.

"Hey, Britt, how are you?" Quinn sniffles a greeting, wiping her tear away, and in that moment, I have the craziest urge to pull her hand away to capture the tear myself.

I am after all the one who put it there.

_Damn it, what a great start at rebonding, Santana._

Too bad I'm not better at this mushy, emotional shit, or I would have done or said something by now.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? You're the one crying. San, did you say something mean?" My heart plummets, I am such a bitch that my own best friend's first thought is to blame me.

Which I cannot really blame her for because Q and I are supposed to be getting along, but instead, I only make the girl cry.

Gah, I cannot handle this shit, it's too much. Ever since the first day back, it is one thing after another.

"I-"

"No, B, just the truth. Santana and I are working on our friendship, but it's going to take some time for things to be the way they were between us." Quinn's voice overlaps mine, her answer surprising me. I didn't expect her outright lie to Brittany, but I figured she would omit some things, not be totally honest without hesitation.

It hurts, as truth seems to do, however if we are to rebuild our triquetra, we cannot start by lying to one another.

"Oh. Good. I like when we were all together, it was like nothing could stop us or hold us back from anything." I catch Brittany's solemn face turning into a relieved smile, and then a reminiscent one as she remembers times from long ago, times that she will forever cherish in her beautiful mind.

Times that I will forever cherish in my fucked up head.

"You're right, Britt, we were a force to be reckoned with." I agree with her, and side eye Quinn, wanting to see what she is thinking.

Her body is positioned as far away from me as possible, head leant against the window, and her expression distant, maybe even detached in a way, as if she were off in Quinnland or some shit. I do not particularly like this side of her, but I am used to it. I used to could read Quinn like a book back in the day. Now? Not so much.

I frown as my eyes drift over the dash clock, then frown even harder when it reads 7:30; fast food it is, we don't have time to sit and eat inside anywhere high class.

"What do you two want?" I question them with a sigh as I pull up at the menu, and roll the window down.

"I think we should all get happy meals, it's really sad in your car, San, and Q could use some cheering up." With Brittany's good intentions warming my heart, I chuckle despite the sour mood.

"B, I don't think they sell happy meals in the mornings." Quinn can't seem to help but laugh as well, Brittany, as always, knows just how to defuse the ticking time bomb in the car.

While they're talking, I quickly order three combos, two frozen coffees, and a chocolate milk for Britt, then drive around to the first window to pay. If I had waited on them to decide what they want, we would be sitting here forever, besides, we used to eat together all the time, so Tana knows exactly what her girls like.

"Oh, here, this should cover mine." I hear Quinn say as the window slides open, but ignore it with one hand reaching out to stop her from handing me unneeded money, and the other to pay the dude. While my fingers push away and then rest on a frozen hand filled with dollar bills, the gap-tooth man gives me my change back with an attempted flirty smile.

I grimace, grossed out, and quickly accelerate ahead; it is way too early to deal with dirty old men coming on to me.

"You didn't have to-'

"Good morning." A woman, about the same age as the man before her, interrupts Quinn, smiling at us as she hands over our coffee first.

"Mornin'. Thanks." I crack a smile, finding her way more pleasant than that dude, and pass the drink carrier to Quinn.

Her hand slips from under mine as she grabs it, and my small smile turns into an instant frown. I furrow my brows at the loss of warmth, and have to wonder why the hell it is bothering me so much. Distracting myself from the weird feeling and the thoughts of reattaching our hands, I take the bag of food, setting it beside me.

"You girls have a nice day." I nod at the woman, managing another half-smile, and tell her to do the same, before driving away in some sort of weird daze.

"Can you give Brittany her food?" I ask Quinn as my free hand curls tightly around the steering wheel, needing something to grip other than Quinn's own.

By the time we make it to school, all of us have pretty much scarfed our food down, only Brittany has a few bites left of her Sausage McMuffin. I don't rush her, we have another 12 minutes before the bell rings, plenty of time to sit here and drink the rest of our coffee. I wish we didn't have to go in at all, I am really not in the mood for school today, but I cannot afford to skip either; I am already in hot water with the rents from last year.

A click and a blast of sudden heat startles me, and I whirl my head around toward the source, Quinn is seconds away from stepping out of the car.

Whoa, hey, where are you going?" I call after her, as she gets out, not ready for her to leave us yet.

I wanted to talk.

Okay, so I have no damn idea what I would have said, but not the point.

"Rachel's parked beside us." Brittany answers around a mouthful of food, her head virtually squished against the window as she peers out of it.

Is Rachel really that interesting? Quinn practically bolts out the car for her, and you would think Brittany was staring at some Goddess.

"Hello, Santana. Brittany." I start at Rachel's voice, heart jumping, head jerking to the side, only to see Rachel's too cheery smile directed at me.

When the fuck did she get so close?

"Berry." I nod at her through Quinn's still open door, down the rest of my coffee, and hurry out the car, feeling suddenly trapped.

It's stupid really, why would I feel that way in my own car? There is no logical reason.

As soon as the sweltering heat hits me full on, I feel no less boxed in, and the need to get away has me striding towards the school without warning. I blame the tension from earlier, it had made me uncomfortable, so it must still be lingering, and having already convinced myself that there would be none of that shit between us, I guess it is making me run as far away as possible.

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><p>Of course, running away doesn't really ever solve anything, and usually whatever it is that you're running from eventually catches up with you, which is <em>exactly<em> what is happening now. In fact, both Rachel _and_ Quinn have caught up with me, though honestly, the cafeteria is not the best place to avoid someone, or in this case two someones.

A fleeting thought of 'Maybe you wanted them to find your coward ass.' flitters through my head, but I squash it down and stare intensely at my food.

"Hi." Rachel murmurs from her spot in front of the table and right beside Quinn.

"Hi." I grumble back, stabbing at the wilting salad flopped pitifully on my tray.

"Um, I, well, _we_, were hoping you would join us in the choir room for lunch." Rachel stumbles unusually over her words, picking at imaginary lint on her shirt.

Confused and a little more than curious, I arch a brow at her, and then point the questioning look towards Quinn. "Why?"

She says nothing, only shrugs and glances away. I'm thinking this was more Rachel's idea, and Quinn, being the whipped 'friend' that she is, just could not say no. Why, though, does Rachel even want me to hang out with them?

It's not as if we have suddenly become friends or anything.

Rachel Berry is a mystery.

"Well, I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies last night, and I figured since you enjoyed my brownies so much that I would share them." Rachel beams at me, overly excited about sharing her damn cookies, and then peers up at Quinn with those bright, doe eyes.

Munchkin had better be glad I like a good mystery.

"Fine. Anything has to be better than this shit." I huff, pushing the tray away in disgust.

I follow them out, eyeballing the pep in Rachel's step, and the tense, stiff posture of Quinn. I don't miss how close they are walking together either. Q's hand brushes Rachel's own several times, and not once does she jerk away, I almost expect Rachel to grab and hold it in her own as we make our way to the choir room.

The left out feeling that hits me has my face scrunching in disbelief. There is no way I feel neglected by Snow White and Alice.

Rachel sits on the piano bench, and Quinn slumps beside her, simultaneously appearing despondent and expectant, when Rachel pulls out a container. I lug a chair toward them, plop in it backwards, and leer at the revealed cookies.

They look and smell delicious.

"Rach, these look fresh." Quinn notes as she picks one up and inspects it.

"Well, of course, I did fix them just last night." Rachel mumbles, shrugging.

I raise an eyebrow at her when she holds the plastic container out to me.

Her cheeks become suddenly rosy.

"Q's right. Damn, look at how smoothly it pulls apart." Mouth watering, I place it on my tongue and slowly clamp down with my teeth, tearing a chunk off and savoring it.

My eyes close, and a moan slips past my lips.

"I-I may have made them this morning." Rachel's whisper makes my eyes flutter back open; her face now looks like she bathed in blush.

"Oh, I get it; you just wanted to hear me have another foodgasm over your scrumptious desserts. The fresher the better." I tease her, winking, and finish off the cookie in my hand while grabbing another.

"You're incorrigible, Santana. Like Rachel would want to hear any of your orgasms, food or otherwise." Quinn scoffs at me, rolling her oh so perfect eyes.

The comment throws me off kilter. It… hurt. All I can think is why? Why does she think Rachel wouldn't want to hear me orgasm? Why am I even so worried about what Quinn thinks? Why am I so bothered by the fact that Rachel, and or Quinn, may be repulsed by hearing me let go? It unnerves me.

I mentally scoff at my own self; my thought process is simply ridiculous.

"Whatever, Q, I'm sexy when I come." I smirk at her, confident on the outside, yet feeling defensive as all hell on the inside.

Rachel coughs, suddenly going into a choking fit, and spews out bits of cookie that hit me in the face. A hand flies to cover her mouth, as wide eyes bore apologies into my own. Quinn chortles beside her, though her mocking laugh is aimed at me, and beats Rachel on the back until she catches her breath. She clears her throat, rubbing at it, while flailing her hand under the piano bench for her bag, but it's too far back and I'm too close, so I scooch the chair over, before kneeling down between her legs.

Resting a hand on her knee, I stare up at her through my fluttering lashes, and then move my head closer to her thigh to reach further under the bench. Rachel is tense, silent, like she is holding her breath, and I can't tell if she is uncomfortable or frightened. I know what I want her to be… overwhelmed with my hotness all in her personal space.

That would be such a huge turn on, me affecting her so much that she doesn't know what to do or say. That thought is pure craziness, though, because never would she become frozen and quiet by me in a good way.

"Uh, Tana, are you getting her bag or searching for gold?" Quinn knocks me out of my low thoughts, and I hurriedly grab the stupid bag before straightening up and tossing it on Rachel's lap.

"Don't need to search for gold, lamb, when there's our very own gold star sitting beside you." The nickname and compliment flow out effortlessly, smoothly, but I didn't give my mind permission to say what I was thinking out loud, and I feel my face instantly flame.

Quinn flinches, and a grimace bred from a painful reminder of our screwed relationship contorts her previous playful expression, while Rachel just tilts her head and peers at me curiously.

"Santana-"

"No, just, shut up." I turn away from them, heart hammering in my chest as mixed emotions fuck with my head, and continue before she can say anything." If you insist on calling me by a name from our former _intact _friendship, then you don't have the right to tell me not to call you _that_." Whipping back around, I make sure to see her face as my words sink in, but I am not prepared for the tear droplets sliding down her cheeks.

My heart bottoms out.

"I remember the last time you called me that." Quinn laughs humorlessly. I clench my jaw, waiting for more. "It was after our first day practicing Coach's new cheerleading routine. I had just walked in the shower, and you appeared in the doorway. Do you remember what you said to me?" She stands up and walks over.

I nod, swallowing the lump forming in my throat, and wet my lips that are traitorously starting to tremble, "Damn, little lamb, you're not so little anymore."

"Yeah, and then you walked away laughing. I wasn't sure how to take your comment. I looked at myself, and I realized that yes, I was not so little anymore, but it was not just my body that had grown, it was both of us, and I somehow knew that something had just shifted between us. I was right. You slowly grew out of the affection I was so used to, starting with that damn nickname, and I let it happen."

Quinn's arms wrap loosely around me, and her forehead comes to a rest on mine,

"Hearing you call me lamb for the first time in four years is the equivalent of your infamous razor blades slicing up my heart, but don't you dare take it back, I have been waiting to hear it again from your mouth for far too long." Chuckling, she secures her hold on me, and buries her face in the crook of my neck.

I am as tense as Rachel was earlier, more so, but I can't help but melt into the familiar position. I have missed this so much, being held by her so freely, not having to worry about anything else around us. It is better than I remember, our bodies have filled out, and it makes the hug so much more _solid_ and… cushiony.

She feels so fucking good.

"You smell like cookie." She whispers.

I grin, pressing closer, and the repressed tears release, sliding down to land in her hair.


End file.
